Recap: Inside Kate's World 6/6/10: Help, somebody get me out of here!

I’ve seen Kate’s world, 150 episodes of it, and I don’t like it. I’m not going to get too much into this total garbage. More spin, lies, pleas for sympathy from narcissistic Kate and her enabling cronies.

Food for thought … if you have to do an entire one-hour episode defending yourself, your choices, your actions….maybe you’re not doing something right?

Kate is apparently explaining a typical day for her and get this, she slept from 9 p.m. until 12 noon. That’s….fifteen hours! What? If any mother out there with children under 10 years old has ever been able to sleep fifteen hours straight please raise your hand. I’m guessing you don’t have four nannies. Then she and Tony rehearsed for four hours. Wow, a whole four hours--no wonder she stunk. She did not deserve to shed one tear over DWTS when she sleeps for fifteen hours and then only managed to drag herself out of bed and spend four hours with the amazing Tony before calling it quits. What a lazy sloth. What did Tony do with himself all day waiting for her to finally wake up and greet the morning? Er, afternoon. Other partners Tony has had to TELL to stop dancing, they're working too hard.

Yawn, Kate gets hair extensions. This piece goes on for what feels like hours but really it‘s only a few minutes. I can barely sit there for the two-odd hours it takes to dye and cut my hair, let alone watch somebody else do it.

Is Meredith Viera seriously defending $7,000 hair extensions? And telling us to get a life? Meredith, you get a life. You’re sitting there spending your morning defending a D-list reality star on her stupid show when there is a horrific oil spill going on in the Gulf and two wars in the Middle East and genocide in Africa. Maybe TLC could have donated $7,000 to Darfur instead of Kate. Go report real news, Meredith. For the record I like Kate’s new fake hair better than her old reverse mullet, that’s not the point.

They actually found some sheeple with credible journalism jobs to defend her. Like, two of them. Some Inside Edition guy says that good or bad Kate “has to make a living.” Huh? She made a living just fine before this. She was a nurse. She wasn’t even in debt, she said so in her book! If someone compares Kate to Angelina one more time I will scream. There is not one paparazzi photo in existence out there where Angelina’s children are not with either her or Brad, or a grandma, and being completely loved by them. Prove me wrong. Either they are staging the most elaborate and impressive cover-up since Area 51, or they actually raise their own kids and enjoy it too. Another People magazine chick can’t understand why being a nurse would be any better. Um, because then her kids wouldn’t be on camera anymore earning the family’s money for the adults? Kate would earn her own money? Then she totally exaggerates a nurse's average hours which as someone pointed out here, would actually be in violation of state labor laws if true.

Meredith don’t sell yourself short. You are not the same as Kate. Big difference: You ain’t exploiting your kids! I may not like your opinion but as long as you don't exploit your kids to make it, that's your right.

Haha, Kate gives us a great oxymoron. And another lie of course. “I can honestly say it has been solely myself, as a single mom.” Then she pauses a moment. “With help.” Hahhahaha, Oh, Kate!

There are the kids in their highchairs coloring. I thought this was supposed to be about Kate. But I guess they worried if they didn’t show the kids’ cute little faces now and again people would lose interest. Kate attempts to teach them a few simple shape lessons. To show us she is perfectly capable of home schooling them when she finally has to pull them out of school permanently to have enough time to film them.

Oh, that’s really interesting, Kate was asked to be on the previous season of DWTS but it didn’t fit with her schedule. I can’t remember what she was doing around that time.

People who have to preface every sentence with “honestly” I never trust to be all that honest. Kate and Tony practice in L.A. Kate stinks but at least she seems to know it. It is fine to stink at dancing but a four hour rehearsal isn’t going to help much.

This next part is basically, sob-sob waa-waa a lot of people think Kate is a bitch. Well, that would be because….she is! As they say, majority rules. They actually show a photo of Collin covering his face. Guess the editors let that damning photo slip through. Oops! Steve is basically her assistant and handler. That’s fine, but why keep acting like he’s just a bodyguard? Kate likes him the very bestest of all her bodyguards. We couldn‘t figure that out.

Steve says he’s “looked after” royal families and presidents. Looked after? He makes it sound like they’re kittens whose owners are out of town and he just has to put a bit of food out every few days and change their water. By looked after, does he mean stood in front of a door with ten other bodyguards while the dignitary attends a benefit 600 yards away?

The best part ever is that Steve says the fans are just as bad as those who don’t like Kate. He calls them “over-zealous.” I feel bad for her fans in a way. Any other celebrity in the business worth their salt knows the fans make you, creepy or not, and to never, ever throw them under the bus. I don’t care if they are breaking into your house putting on your makeup and trying on your clothes, you never talk badly about the fans. You gotta hand it to Joan Crawford--she understood this concept. So for Steve to basically make the fans seem like total whack-jobs is a real slap in the face. These “over-zealous” fans have spent years defending Kate’s every move against monumental opposition. And this is what they get.

Steve thinks the “vast, vast majority” of people are fans and not “against us.” Haha, wow, Steve. How’s that delusional cup of tea taste? Even Kate says 90% of people don’t like her. Your own employer admits it. Now he thinks the fans make the show. Well, actually, a ton of people were also tuning in to watch a train wreck. Don’t forget those people.

Kate’s book signing in Santa Monica. They show some stock footage of Rodeo Drive, which is absolutely nowhere near her book signing in Santa Monica. This is completely not Kate’s fault, but this book signing was BARELY advertised and nobody showed up, and she was embarrassed. I would be too, it’s embarrassing. I was at this book signing and I reported about 30 people were there, and I’m told not everyone believed me and claimed I was trying to make Kate look bad. But those who have been around here long enough know I don’t lie about anything, except to tell you you look great in that dress, and sure enough, even Kate is saying nobody attended this book signing. They show footage from the signing and you can see for yourself, nobody is there.

This is quite fascinating, Steve and Kate are locked in a closet at the book store and Steve is telling Kate to buck up and do the book signing regardless of how few people are there. I am torn about this. On the one hand, Steve is right, she needs to stop being a baby and get out there, especially for the sight-impaired little boy who was there with a walking stick--I was there and I saw him and he was thrilled to meet Kate. On the other hand, her team really screwed this up. If you don’t have time to organize a proper book signing where 1500 people will show up, it is mortifying to do anything less. I side with Kate on this and I would be beyond ticked; I would not want to go out there. And I would fire half my staff for screwing this up. I am not being sarcastic. It is unacceptable to arrange such a huge flop like this for someone as hot as Kate is right now. I know and have worked for many people who would not begin to tolerate this. This is yet another example of how green and unsophisticated Kate still is to the “real“ celebrity world. If she were say Elton John or even Angelina or somebody else seasoned, she would know to NOT stand for this. Incidentally, they don’t show me asking Kate how child labor laws are going to affect filming. But they do show the three teenage girls I was talking to who were cute, maybe about sixteen. They speak highly of Kate, but to me they said she could be a real bitch, too. Ha!

Kate plays with the kids in their crooked houses and throws Jon under the bus again--he doesn’t even have BEDS for the kids at his place they have to sleep in sleeping bags! She does realize that 5-year-olds usually adore sleeping on the floor right? Like camping out. She got them trundle beds, there's hardly a difference.

Steve and Kate are sitting in the limo, and Kate throws Jon under the bus a bit more. He is a big mean ex-husband who wants his kids when she isn’t even in the same state. Why can’t Jon have the kids when she is not home, so many of us have asked over and over. Kate needn’t worry, TLC will quickly pay Jon off and all this will go away shortly.

I kinda like how Steve doesn’t really play into all of Kate’s pathetic whining. He’s basically like, Kate, life is full of hard decisions, I can’t do it for you. I like people who aren’t interested in letting you constantly cry on their shoulder instead of getting down to business and tackling your problems like an adult, because that‘s how I am. Who knew I wouldn‘t mind Steve. And surprisingly, there is something about their dynamic that makes me think maybe they are not an item after all. Steve's personality isn't really what I think Kate exactly wants. He is definitely handling her every move, but he isn't putting up with her crap. Historically she prefers men who tolerate her crap, so this really doesn't add up. Not to mention I don't feel one ounce of chemistry between them, they are literally like brother and sister. They are no Erin and Maks. I think maybe she likes a man like him around just to have a man around for reasons women like that, but that doesn't mean she's inviting him into the bedroom. In college I had some male roommates I really loved having around for so many reasons, but I wasn't in a relationship with any of them. I'm very surprised I've come to this conclusion about those two after this.

Why is Kate so afraid she’s a horrible mother and a judge will take her kids away? What, is she doing something wrong?

Ehh, I’ll skip over this boring part. Kate is officially announcing her new child exploitation shows in New York. Steve admires Kate. Oh, Steve, for pity sake. Kate’s new best friend makes a few appearances to say nothing all that earth-shattering. She seems really nice. Too nice. Has she gotten the guts to ask for her fair cut yet? Her days are numbered with this family.

When Kate introduces herself she says “I’m Kate, and I’m a mom of eight kids.” The fact that she wraps her whole persona around those eight kids, exploiting them in every way possible to form her own image, is why the public is criticizing. If she said I’m Kate and I’m a nurse, no one would care. I don’t understand why this is so difficult to get. For a few at least.

Oh sheesh, Kate is one of those people who claims they can dance really well in rehearsal but once they hit the dance floor they are a mess. You know this kind of thing is only true for a very small, small minority of people. For the rest it’s just a way to save face when you really suck at something.

I’ve already recapped DWTS, don’t wanna do it again. Kate thought DWTS was a “career.” She does realize that it’s only for one short season, and that she could get voted off at any time, right? It’s like saying being a Census worker is a career. Yeah, for a few months every ten years! She and the Census workers all need new careers now.

Back at the orphanage, these highchairs drive me crazy, gaaa. I see Kate’s upped the food portions ever so slightly. They’ve got three whole carrots to eat now and a couple other mixed veggies.

How smart is Mady? She tells the tups to “play the quiet game.” And they’re all quiet! And Mady looks so proud of herself. What an awesome way to get your brothers and sisters to shush, and she knows it. This child is gifted and talented, period. I’ve seen enough now.

Aw how sad my tivo cuts off as Kate is spewing some stuff about how much she loves the kids or something. The end!

If this is Kate’s world, I recommend a new one.