To Bonnie Fuller: Trips and money are not what makes a good childhood

No, what makes a good childhood is parents who are always there for you, doing the simple things together with the family (whether it's skipping rocks at the lake, or picking strawberries, or cooking supper together), consistency, and most of all the opportunity to grow and learn and discover the adult you are slowly becoming in privacy.

Bonnie Fuller, editor of HollywoodLife.com and a long-time writer for several similar publications, has written an interesting article claiming that she wishes she were a Gosselin kid. Actually, we think this whole thing could be tongue in cheek. But we're going to deconstruct it anyway, because it's just that outrageous we can't let this one go! (It's so hard to believe she's a Canadian, they're usually not this self-absorbed.)

Bonnie says: "There are far worse mothers in America, I can assure you than the infamous mom of eight. If you want to get all worked up about negligent mothers then I can direct you to the pages of The New York Post."

We say: The fact that there are many other mothers much worse out there does not make the child exploiting Kate does to her kids right. There are many different kinds of bad parents, and Kate is just one kind. This is like saying because there is a giant oil spill off the Gulf of Mexico, when there is a much smaller spill in a local lake we should just turn our back on it and shouldn't worry about it because far more important spills are going on elsewhere. Obviously, that's ridiculous.

Bonnie says: "And when it comes to celebrity mothers, I’m fine with you finger pointing at Dina Lohan, who should take big blame for her hot mess of a daughter Lindsay."

We say: Why is it okay with you to point fingers at Dina Lohan but not at other stage moms of children? There are a lot of other worse mothers than her out there, too, so what's the difference? What has Dina done that is better or worse than anybody else? Actually, after the huge success of Parent Trap in 1998 when Lindsay was 12, Dina got worried it would go to her head and pulled her out of the movie business and sent her back to her regular school until 2003 (she did a few bit TV parts before 2003, but that was it) when she broke back into it with another big hit, Freaky Friday. By that time Lindsay was 17, almost an adult. Lindsay is now 24 years old, and there comes a point where she needs to start taking responsibility for her own decisions and stop getting a pass because she may or may not have had a stage mom. No matter what Dina may or may not have done, her child is an adult now, has been for seven years, and Lindsay cannot be exploited anymore without her consent. The Gosselin children, in contrast, have no say right now, and won't for at least another ten years. Scary.

Bonnie says: "I want to be one of her brood. I want to go camping with Kate and Sarah Palin in Alaska. How fun would that be? Alaska is gorgeous, you can bet the Gosselins are going to get the best camp site, the best tents and the best cookout in the state."

We say: Bonnie, you are 53 years old. Your are imposing what you as an adult, as a 53-year-old educated, engaged with her world, well-traveled woman, would like to do, on the mind of a six-year-old. These children are not adults and therefore do not have the same needs, wants and desires as an adult might. An adult might think camping with Sarah Palin would be really cool. I do, sort of. It would certainly be interesting to meet her no matter how I feel about her. But these kids are just that, kids. Kids who don't care who Sarah Palin is or are impressed with that. Kids who have already been on a dozen trips just like this and have already met dozens of celebrities just like her. They are probably over it. Once you've been around celebs enough you realize they're just people--just as mean and nasty or nice, or stupid or smart, as anybody else you meet. I promise you they'll have far greater memories of camping out in the back yard a few years back with Mom and Dad than they will with some orchestrated camp-out with a washed up media whore ex-VP candidate.

Kids also don't care about the "best" of anything, be it tents or cookouts. At least not the best you are thinking. The real "best" to a kid is when Mommy helped you make the supper and Daddy helped you set up the tent. That is the best to the kid. No kid is looking at the label saying "oh, my goodness, it's a Ralph Lauren tent! This trip has now become the best!" Get a grip. You know we adults in all our materialism and how self-centered we can be could learn a lot from kids when it comes to having the "best" of things.

Bonnie says: "And who wouldn’t want to play with Willow, Piper and baby Trig?"

I'm sure they're lovely children. But they're just children. No more special than anyone else's kids. They are in fact strangers to the Gosselin kids who live an eight hour plane ride away, so why would they want to play with some stranger's kids they will likely never see again? The Gosselin kids I hope have their own friends at home I'm sure they would like to enjoy their summer with. I'm sure they have school friends they would like to invite over to swim in their nice pool if only they were home for the summer, before it's back to the regular program in the fall and life becomes too busy for a bunch of playdates. I'm sure they are missing out on many things going on at home with their real friends while they are on all these trips.

Bonnie says: "Furthermore, I’d have the cutest outfits to wear at all times, my own personal bodyguard/piggyback provider, TV production assistants willing to fetch me anything I needed."

We say: Again, you are imposing your adult desires on little children. An adult woman might want great clothes and a personal bodyguard and someone to do their bidding all the time. Sounds good to me. But kids just want to put some clothes on they can go play and get dirty in, they don't care if it's the cutest. It is creepy to want your bodyguard to give you piggy-back rides when he's supposed to be "guarding" you. It is also creepy that you even have to have a bodyguard because your mother made you so famous you could be in danger. And when you fetch children anything their little hearts desire without teaching them how to take care of themselves first, they grow up into very helpless, spoiled adults dependent on everyone. It is not helping children to treat them like little princes, in fact it is setting them up for an adulthood of entitlement and disappointment.

Bonnie says: "Who wants to grow up and THEN be starting with a bank account of zero? Kate’s kids will get a step up in life — with money they’ve already made, when they turn 21."

We say: Actually, only 15% of their money is protected from Kate's greedy hands, and even of that she may still dip in for educational expenses. Kate just said in a recent interview that even despite five years of filming, she has not set her kids up for life. How many more years of lost privacy will she require before she is financially responsible? So there's a good chance they won't have any money at all. And their money is theirs at 18, not 21. Are you saying Kate is going to try to hang onto it until 21?

Even assuming they did start off adulthood with a bunch of money, young people given a huge chunk of money who are not emotionally mature enough to handle it could blow it all in the first few years and are left struggling the rest of their lives always thinking back to that brief time period when life was set. This is depressing and leaves you with little else to look forward to--you are left endlessly searching for that same "high" you had when you had riches instead of looking for happiness in other places besides a print of Ben Franklin. And while everyone would like to be financially secure at all times, the times where you really had to work and struggle to get through it, while rough, teach you to appreciate it when you do have money and teaches you the value of each dollar, what's required in order to truly earn each dollar. It is satisfying for most people to go out and work hard and provide for their families, instead of just dipping into some huge trust fund you had nothing to do with. (Of course in this case the Gosselin children have worked so hard they deserve every last dime, except their money isn't even theirs.)

Giving a child a huge chunk of money when they are 18 does not guarantee a darn thing for them. You have to teach them how to handle it too, and I don't have a lot of confidence that Kate the manicure and tanning queen is doing that.

Bonnie says: "If I were one of Kate’s kids I’d say thanks mom, for giving me an ultra exciting childhood, adventures and experiences I never would have had as the daughter of the average nurse, and for setting me up with some financial freedom, so that I could pursue the career or passions I wanted, instead of having to scramble for dollars when I was a young adult!"

You can pursue the career or passions you want regardless of how much or how little money you have. It is sad that you think that passions and careers are bought, not worked hard for. A passion is not stopped by lack of a trust fund. Few adults start out with any money, and yet somehow many adults manage to make their way. If you are serious about it enough, you will make it happen, no matter what it takes. And often it's the journey there, the "scramble" as you claim it will be, that builds character and teaches priceless life lessons. Many a once struggling actor has said they look back fondly on the "rice and beans" days when they really discovered how much they truly wanted to do what they loved. If you can't make it work without money, then that career probably really wasn't for you in the first place. It wasn't really a passion.

Sadly, the daughter of the "average nurse" probably has it a lot better than these kids. She still has her privacy, still sees her mommy every day, still has her extended family and all her friends, and doesn't have to worry about going into a grocery store and seeing Mommy on the cover with speculation of an affair with the bodyguard splashed across the headline. Are you saying unless you have what the Gosselins have, your childhood will be bad? Many children thank their parents for a wonderful childhood even though that childhood did not include trips to Florida, Alaska, or New York. I did. A childhood can be full of adventures and experiences without all the celebrity hoopla baggage. A "trip" is not the only experience there is to offer in childhood. There are many more important ones that don't cost a dime.

What makes a good childhood is parents who are always there for you, doing things together with the family (whether it's skipping rocks at the lake, or picking strawberries together, or cooking supper together, you fill in the blank), consistency, and most of all the opportunity to grow and learn and discover the adult you are becoming, in privacy.

http://www.hollywoodlife.com/2010/07/23/bonnie-says-i-want-to-be-one-of-the-kate-gosselins-kids/