Recap: Chicks & Eggs: The organic Easter Bunny laid 700 eggs

Coming up on Kate Plus 8. "Easter!!!" one of the boys shouts. Gosh that’s annoying when they make the kids do that. Yes, I get it, it’s Easter. Sort of. Eggs, eggs, and more eggs. Kate is mean to Aaden about not being good at puzzles. Hm, I wonder if Kate sits around, in between tweets, pondering how an Easter bunny can lay an egg.

For the record, Kate says firmly, she didn’t have the kids this year for Easter, so they planned this episode on a different weekend. Okay, then. So, what about the film crew? So, if she did have the kids on Easter weekend, the crew would have to work a holiday weekend? This woman really thinks of no one but herself and her own motives. Also, this is a thinly veiled response to Jodi and Kevin, who said that production told the kids it was Christmas on a different day to get good reactions for filming, an accusation Kate has never actually denied. Kate is oh so very bothered by all the criticism, which is kind of fun to watch. Even more fun when she tries to pretend it doesn’t bother her at all. And by the way, for the record? I could care less if you want to celebrate Christmas a few days before or a few weeks before or heck, even in July, that is not the issue. Lots of families have to celebrate on a day other than the actual holiday for various good reasons. There is nothing wrong with doing Easter early as long as the kids are aware of it. The problem with Christmas-gate was lying to the children to try to get better footage. It was the lies, not the days.

Kate is going on and on about organic hens, and I have no clue what she is talking about. I didn’t realize hens themselves could be organic anyway, I thought what you fed them was what was organic. I wonder how you tell if it’s an organic hen, they have green feet maybe?
Kate gets out a chick hatching kit incubator and starts setting it up. The kids are starting to get very flippant with Kate, which doesn’t surprise me given how disrespectful she always is to them. Kids are watching you, watching the things that you do. Which includes how you speak to people you love. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hannah accuses Kate. “This is very boring!”

Even though Hannah is being rather rude to her mother, I have to say that’s my “sediments” exactly. Two minutes in and I’ve already seen enough, too, Hannah.
The kids are excited about the incubator. As usual, Kate is being a sourpuss. “I have to stuff four-gazillion eggs for tomorrow,” she gripes. Well, I see why she is so exhausted all the time now, she is constantly creating over-the-top impossible projects for herself. What do you do when you’ve created just such a project for yourself and can’t be bothered with the children? Why, put them to bed of course, which is what she goes off to do.

This year Kate, Mady and Cara are stuffing the Easter eggs with puzzle pieces. Once you find them all, you put your puzzle together to find out what your present is. Kate claims this was all her idea, but if you look around, this was actually a very popular suggestion all over the requisite Mommy blogs this spring. I’m guessing it probably originated from the talented writers over at Good Housekeeping or something. It definitely came out of New York or L.A., not stupid Kate. But it’s yet another thing Kate for some bizarre reason has to take ownership over when we know full well she probably just read it or heard about it somewhere else. Why can’t she just say, I heard about this great idea? Because I don‘t think anyone faults her for not coming up with it on her own. That’s what a mom does, listens to all kinds of great ideas from other moms or Mommy-ish sources and makes them their own.

There’s a rare sweet, natural moment where Kate stuffs some jellybeans in her mouth and Mady runs over to try to pry them out as they both fall into giggles. Then Mady asks her to watch TV with her tonight. This little girl adores her Mommy. She is ten, and these precious few years where Mommy is still the center of her universe are rapidly slipping away. Let’s hope Kate isn’t wasting it anymore than she already has. And that these moments can happen in private.

Oh, I just realized this episode is only half an hour. I can definitely do this. I hope.

They are decorating “crispy rice treats.” Kate practically stumbles over this awkward wording. What, they couldn’t get Kelloggs to sponsor child exploitation? Maybe Snap, Crackle and Pop feel for the kids as they‘ve worked their childhoods away too? Good for you, Kelloggs.

Kate has a rule, she doesn’t eat what kids make. Huh? What a dumb rule that is. And talk about cruel. When a kid decorates a Rice Krispie treat for Mommy, what a heartbreaker it must be to find out Mommy wants nothing to do with it because she‘s afraid of boogers or something.

I’m having a very hard time understanding Joel as he explains about dyeing the eggs. I have understood him before, so I don’t think it’s so much a speech problem as it is just a tired kid trying to get through his interview. He’s also bouncing around the couch, acting very uninterested.

It’s cold and windy out, the kids even talk about how cold they are, but Kate wants them to dye eggs outside. She says they can go in if they want, but what’s the fun in that? I understand it’s much safer to do this outside, but they do have a nice warm basement they could lay out some tarps on and it would be fine. Seems like just a small amount of inconvenience to make sure the kids are comfortable. This is exactly the kind of thing set teachers monitor in California, the temperature and whether it’s comfortable working conditions for a child. A set teacher would most certainly have insisted this project be filmed inside if it could. Set teachers can have a lot of power to put the kibosh on working the kids in overly hot or cold temperatures or bad weather. Here’s hoping Murt’s bill keeps chugging along.

Kate really hopes this project doesn’t stain her nails. Oh, Kate, please, I’m sure the kids would be happy to pay for some new fillers if that‘s an issue. Heck, maybe even another trip to New York to console you.

Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that actually dyeing Easter eggs yourself, which we do every year as a family, is about a million times more interesting than watching some other person’s kids do it on camera. “So much fun!” Kate exclaims, but by this time only Hannah is left braving the cold outside with her.

We’re back, and Kate is hiding the eggs around the house. Why is she putting an egg way up on top of the swing set and on top of some trellise and atop the high porch lamp, where a little kid couldn’t possibly reach it? Weirdo. Kate throws in that they go to church on Easter. Um, wouldn’t that be assumed if you’re Christian? It is our most important holiday. Why so defensive?

She hid 700 eggs! That’s about 87 eggs per child, which is insane. I am all about giving your children a wonderful Easter but why does every single thing have to be a hundred times bigger than what most normal families would do? It’s almost like Kate wants to set herself up to plead exhaustion.

Kate takes the kids to the basement for the Easter egg hunt rules. This is actually a good idea to just make sure everyone is clear. I’ve seen more than my fair share of Easter egg hunts end up in squabbles and tears. Kate has good rules here. It’s not who sees it first, it’s who touches it first, and no fighting. I agree. And we’re not dividing eggs up, you get what you get even if it’s not perfectly even. I agree with that, too, with eight kids you would spend your entire life dividing things up if everything were required to be “even,” nor does that teach kids anything about how the real world works. Kate’s way too busy twitter-twattering to have time for that nonsense anyway.

“Can we just go out now?!” Hannah demands. I hate to say “kids today!” but I would never dream of talking to an adult like that when I was that age. And I saw what happened when other kids did! This child is getting awfully big for her britches. But that said, how can I possibly blame her for this when she’s around Kate all the time? You really can’t.

Kate cannot help herself, she has to say again that the puzzle pieces in the eggs was an idea she came up with. I don’t believe that for a second, who is she kidding? The kids wreck havoc on the lawn. Collin has collected way more eggs than anyone else. Well, that’s because he was running really fast looking everywhere and busting butt. It appears to me that Kate is taking one of Collin’s baskets and throwing some of his eggs back onto the lawn. Especially since Hannah was complaining about Collin getting so many eggs, and Kate’s response was “trust me, I fixed the problem.” W…T….F. So after that huge lecture about how you get what you get, now she’s dumping one child’s eggs back onto the playing field? Silly me being all impressed with Kate’s rules, here she is breaking them. You know, with 700 eggs, even if Collin gets a lot, the other kids will still get plenty. I don’t think it teaches kids a darn thing to coddle the ones who aren’t working as hard as he is, and to punish Collin for busting butt. But then again, Kate doesn’t value hard work and busting butt. You only had to tune into Dancing With the Stars a few episodes to realize she values crying and whining your way to the top instead.

Aw, Collin. He helps Joel get an egg from a high tree by shaking it down with a stick. He’s such a sweet little guy. Hannah is still griping that Collin cheated. Um, no, he didn’t cheat, he worked hard. And he was even helping other people get eggs on the side! But I’m not surprised that the kids have learned that anyone who claws their way to the top by just working hard must have somehow cheated. I picture Kate crossing her arms and whining to Tony and the kids and anyone who would listen that Pussycat and Evan cheated away the mirror ball trophy from her well-manicured hands.

Why does the producer keep interrupting the kids to ask dumb questions? Just let them enjoy the hunt for eggs and leave them alone.

Kate is looking worse than ever. She looks tired, her skin is bad, something looks odd about her eyes. Since I saw her in person last year, and said even then I thought she was very pretty, she has really, really gone downhill. For all the money in the world, she is ruining herself. Back inside, they gather their puzzle pieces together. It took a long time, Kate complains. When you make 700 eggs for them that’s what happens.

“I’m not very good at puzzles,” Aaden says.

“Well, then you’re not going to be very good at getting a prize!” Kate replies. Sheesh!

The puzzle thing kind of goes south because they are missing a lot of pieces. But thankfully Kate finally just passes out the presents and tells them if you don’t like it you can bring it up to her at the “trading post.” Ha.

When Hannah starts to argue once AGAIN, this time Kate shouts at her, “You either live with what you have or you get nothing!” So, she’s handling Hannah’s newfound disrespectful attitude by shouting back at her disrespectfully. Good grief.

It’s typical kid fare, stuffed animals, a fire truck, drawing paper. Collin is so sweet, he goes on and on about how he loves to draw and was so happy with his drawing set. I’m sure he does, but he is also the type of kid who is always going to say he just loves whatever anyone he loves gives him, because that’s just how he is. Sweet little guy. After a little trading, the kids all ended up happy pretty quickly. Phew. They’re generally good kids, even though Kate is constantly selling them short.

Oh, yeah, I forgot about the incubator from the beginning of the episode. Um, oh those? The chicks didn’t hatch, Kate says. Ha, why am I not surprised?! Even the chicks know to stay away from Kate.