Recap: 6 turn 7! That catered fluffernutter sandwich better be organic

Coming up on Kate Plus 8! “Happy birthday!“ shout the kids. Well, it‘s happy they are turning older, but incredibly sad they have to do so in public, yet again. As we all know, sayeth Kate, she always does a big birthday party. True, production does at least. Why is everything being thrown together at the last minute? I mean, you knew when this day would come pretty much since the day they were born. It’s obvious TLC does this just to make Kate feel frazzled because that’s all she’s got going for her, her freak outs. In addition to being Kate’s beard, Steve also has the good sense to monitor the weather.

Kate wants to get the birthday party out of the way all at once. That’s lovely to want to get the most important day of the year for your children “out of the way” like you might get cleaning the toilets out of the way. Some workers are fixing the beautiful pool and redoing some stuff. Why, what‘s wrong with it? They never really tell us.

As usual, it is not Kate’s fault that she is planning this party at the last minute, but rather Kate blames the therapist she admittedly had numerous contacts with in 2009, Sylvia Lafair. Huh, you say? Don't worry, Kate will explain. You see LaFair sued Kate, Kate has a court date, and that caused Kate to lose an entire day of party planning because she had to go testify. Last I checked, you usually know weeks and often months in advance of your court date so you can plan around it, so I‘m not sure how this is Lafair‘s fault. In fact, news of this lawsuit was broken on April 6, 2011. Kate did not have to testify in court until May 11, 2011, more than a month later.

“I’m being sued for therapy I never received!” Kate says with an awkward (and telling) laugh, wave of her arms and averting of her eyes. Body language, anyone? Actually, according to LaFair’s own testimony, Kate sat down with her for a whopping four hours in Los Angeles on March 23, 2009. What does Kate claim they were talking about all that time, the rising price of grain?


LaFair also testified she would spend hours and hours on the phone with Kate. Although the actual amount of time they talked is in dispute, Kate herself does admit, in sworn testimony, she did indeed talk to LaFair several times, including one time for an hour and a half, only cutting the conversation off when LaFair wanted to talk about Kate‘s childhood. Hm, Kate’s childhood? Sounds suspiciously like an important component of a counseling session to me. I’m still at a loss for how Kate concludes after all those contacts with a therapist she received no therapy. Oh, wait, I get it, if the marriage counseling was just for Jon’s benefit, Kate never received anything. Silly me.

You know, I think it’s incredibly inappropriate for Kate to bring up her legal troubles when this episode is supposed to be about the joyous event of her children’s birthday. This lawsuit has absolutely nothing to do with their birthday. She has to make it all about her, naturally.

Kate didn’t plan a darn thing about the theme of this party, she admits it. She just goes to Party City and starts throwing crap in the cart willy-nilly. Just like she did last Halloween. When you’re using TLC’s credit card, it gets much easier to do that. She says every parent should throw a big party at least once. Um, in their lifetime? Kate, most parents do this every year. I think she fancies herself St. Kate, Martyr of Party City.

The kids get a really cool (and expensive) curly water slide. They are thrilled, but even more thrilled when they spot a frog in the spa. Proof kids don’t need toys that cost in the thousands of dollars, but rather, prefer amphibians that are free. Kate makes them draw pictures of a birthday cake. I’m not sure I follow why. Will she make the cake like what they drew? I guess we’ll find out. Production is getting rather sloppy explaining the “storyline.” That happens when you don’t give a crap anymore. She got them rather cool birthday hats, some that look like birthday cakes, and hey there’s a princess hat. I thought that hat was for Kate, but one of the girls puts it on. Aaden is still so excited about the frog that he drew that instead of a cake. Ha!

Take note, Kate. Aaden did not draw the expensive slide he (yes, he) bought. He drew a frog. I’m guessing Kate probably hopes it’s a very posh elite wealthy frog worthy of his attention.



Commercials, and we’re back. Kate goes into the bakery last minute with a list of complicated demands. Oh, she does have the kids’ drawings. She suggests somehow incorporating the pool into the cake with a frog. Okay, that is sweet, and proves she was actually paying attention to the kids.

Normally she would make her own food, Kate says firmly. Why is she so darn defensive? There’s nothing wrong with arranging catering for a birthday party with 60 people. That way you can enjoy the party. She orders sandwiches in the shapes of fish. Some have fluffernutter (organic I hope?), others turkey, but I’m guessing Kate won’t eat what everyone else is eating. Her party meal probably resembled something more like this:


“This is the way behind-est I‘ve ever been“ she says. Well, Kate should be used to being on the behind end by now. I‘m speaking of a jackass of course. I want to tear my left eyebrow out, hair by hair, when she speaks like that.

Kate plans a treasure hunt. This kind of big property is great for that. Kate claims the kids don’t know how frazzled she is.

“Does your mommy seem stressed?” production asks the kids. “Oh, yeah!” Leah says. “Yes,” Aaden says. Sigh. It’s sad that seven-year-olds even know what stress is, let alone feel it filtering down to them from their parent.

I think it’s very important, actually groundbreaking, to note that here is another instance of Kate telling us how the kids feel (they don‘t know she‘s stressed). But when production actually asked the kids? The kids confirmed they felt exactly the opposite (they knew exactly how stressed she was). Proof we cannot trust a darn thing Kate tells us about how her children think and feel without actually asking them.

The kids help stuff the bags for the party favors. I have to hand it to Kate, she knows what kids would want in a party bag. There’s bracelets, glow sticks, mini soccer balls. Wait, is that sunscreen? Oo, major buzzkill, Mom. Oh, no, whistles??? This family does not have a good history with that particular toy.

“It’s kind of sad to stuff a piñata and in a matter of seconds your work is completely ruined,” Mady remarks. I love the way that child thinks. She’s so smart. I bet she would certainly understand what the “beyond a reasonable doubt” standard is and how to apply it. There is hope for America’s future in kids like her.

Tidying up, lots of yelling. “You’re giving me an attitude and I’m exhausted!“ Kate cries. That’s funny, Kate accusing the kids of giving her attitude.

The day of the party is here, and I’m kind of confused about Kate’s complete freak out since she has not just Carla and Ashley helping her out, who are always on top of things, but another friend of Carla’s. Not to mention the twins, who are plenty big enough to lend a hand. This is more help than most parents can hope to gather. Ashley, bless her heart, is calm, relaxed, and going on about how cool it is they are getting older. It's sad when a 20-something year old single gal with no kids "gets it" on a far deeper level than a 36-year-old mother with eight. I wish everyone could breathe and stay calm like Ashley always does and remember what this is really about, the kids and celebrating another year.

I have no clue what in the world Kate is screaming at Mady about now, but she tells her, cruelly, “You are wasting precious time that I will never get back of my life!” Call it what you like, but I think telling a child, any child, they wasted time off your life you will never get back, is verbal abuse, period. Mady, precious Mady, takes it all in stride (as if she is talked at like this all the time), and admires the lovely birthday cake.

The adults set up the treasure hunt. I wish Kate would just let Ashley do it, she is staying calm and can handle this. Kate explains how the treasure hunt will work, like we are kindergartners. She is rather patronizing. Naturally Kate screwed up the clues or something and that frazzles her even more and she has to go through them all again.

Guests start arriving, and there is literally a bouncer at the gate checking names. How West Hollywood of them. And why show this, just to show off how important they are?

Kate hasn’t met several of these parents. She really has no clue who they are. After having the kids in school this long this is surprising, and lends a lot of support to several “insiders” who have reported Kate has very little interaction with what’s going on at their school. The parents are standing around awkwardly watching the kids, not talking to each other and certainly not to Kate, which is probably how I would look too with all the cameras around. They are a blatant reminder that to most normal people cameras are weird, awkward, and often just plain creepy. The kids adored the treasure hunt, and after that, went in the pool. I have to say I think it’s very good to have this many adults around at a pool party, for safety reasons. A child died at Pamela Anderson son’s birthday party several years ago because he wasn’t really being watched. I am pleased that pool safety is taken seriously here.

Daddy Steve is there and asks the kids to all filter out of the pool because it’s raining and thunder is coming. This is one of the first times I’ve ever seen him make a blatant move to protect these children.

You know what I love? Going inside on a day like this where it‘s warm enough to feel comfortable, but it’s pouring rain outside. I love how it smells. They move the party to the basement. It’s a relief Kate is not having a meltdown over this. It’s May on the East Coast, odds are your party is going to get rained out. No big deal, as they have a lovely, large basement. Kate wants to sing Happy Birthday to each of the kids like she always promised she would, but “I don’t want to sing six times!” one of the kids shouts. Haha, I knew they wouldn’t put up with that for very long. So they sing once, and the kids are happy and love the cake.

What’s the benefits of being seven? Production asks. You get to read chapter books, Aaden says. Aw. Kate needn't worry, I think Aaden is going to be adorable for several more years to come.

They show some clips from pretty much every birthday party they’ve ever had, all of which have been filmed (except I think their first). Hey, even Jon is in one of the clips. Jon, you remember him. The Chrissy of Kate Plus 8--set up to be the annoying dolt of the show, yet the show has never really been the same without him. This is also called karma. Incidentally, last weekend I saw Chrissy, also known as Suzanne Somers, at the local farmer‘s market. No paps, no drama, dressed down and just quietly getting some fresh veggies with her hubby (of 34 years!) and going on their way. Confirmation she practices the organic she preaches. I just did a quick read of her IMDB bio, and it seems that Suzanne participated in intensive therapy, including family therapy, to help deal with serious childhood issues. Frankly I don't see how anyone could have a successful marriage of 34 years without first dealing with any past childhood issues in a healthy way. Take note, Kate. Therapy can be very helpful and does not mean you are less of a person. It seems to have helped down-to-earth Suzanne. If anything, participation in therapy speaks to a person's willingness to change and grow, which is a good thing.

Kate waxes on about how the kids are getting older and more mature, but there is an element of insincerity to it. Some people hear a biological clock, Kate hears the ticking time bomb of kids who will no longer go along with her diabolic master plan to exploit the hell out of them until they are 18. One down--Cara. And every year, the clock gets louder.