Recap: Kate's Toughest Questions (part 2): Just remember who's picking your nursing home, Kate. Hint, not your 'tweeties'

Coming up on part two of Kate’s Toughest Questions. Uncle Kevin nurses back to health an endangered baby lion cub named Fluffy-poo and Kate hates him for it.

Next question, the number one question asked of Kate because her situation is so bizarre and abnormal even her fans can‘t help wondering--Where the heck is all your family, Kate?

Kate answers that all of her family members, every single one, are very different from her. They are not open-minded or adventurous. If by this she means they are not “open-minded” to eight kids having nearly their entire childhoods exploited for six years, including dragging them on countless long and grueling flights and road trips to experience “adventurous” working vacations, the bulk of which most of them don’t even remember, then yes, I see how there might be some family tension. Kate says she doesn‘t judge what her family does so they shouldn’t judge what she does. More awesome logic from Kate again. If a family member is a bank robber and you are a well-adjusted doctor, you shouldn’t judge them because they shouldn’t judge you? I don’t think so. Of course you should judge, family members have a moral obligation to try to steer down a different path family members making bad choices. Just think, if we all lived like Kate there would be no shows like Hoarders or Intervention. Now that would be truly tragical for a great number of viewers. Helping a family member is not always a bad thing, even if they hate you for it. From what I can tell, the more wrong the family you are trying to help are, the more they’re gonna hate you for trying to help, and Kate sure is fitting right in there with that theory. Anyway, it’s not just about Kate choosing to rob a bank and the family members can‘t mind their own business--there are eight other family members involved, children no less, and likely that’s why her family started saying something.

Also, what’s funny is I distinctly remember when Kate judged and accused Kevin of leaving his kids to speak for one day at a congressional hearing. In fact, let's pull the exact quote shall we? Kate said of Kevin, he “has four children of his own and spending time in court and gallivanting to New York to complain about me, couldn't he be at home with his kids?" That’s not judging?

Incidentally, Kate? He went to a hearing in Horsham, Pa., less than two hours from his home--not New York. The one time he was on a New York-based show was a live feed from his house! One day he left his kids. One. It was a school day so three of his four kids weren't home anyway. And he was summoned to the hearing to offer his own unique first-hand knowledge of abuses in the industry to make a difference for all kids working in the industry in his state and the country. How many days, weeks, and months has Kate abandoned her children for much less noble causes, such as hair extensions, or Nobu? Or to go get drunk all weekend in New York and meet strange men in a club. What am I saying, this woman is one big heel-stomping contradiction. Although it’s become almost like a fun game to trap her in her own lies, especially with her own quotes. I see now why Kate doesn't want to be quoted without permission, how could she possibly keep it all straight?

Look, the real answer to this question is more likely: Kate estranged her family members for a variety of reasons that mostly boils down to them not agreeing this narcissist’s agenda was the right thing for the kids. In case any of Kate’s tweeties asking these stupid questions are wondering, there is a pattern here. Remember in elementary school? Square--square--circle--square. The pattern here is: Kate‘s fault--Kate's fault--family members get estranged because of sociopathic diabolic narcissistic Kate--Kate‘s fault. For extra credit, try to figure out what the pattern is in the divorce. Hint: start with it's all Kate’s fault.

Kate says Kevin turned on her. Haha, and then they show a clip of Kevin bottle-feeding his lion cub. Or rather, he says he just wants the kids to be safe and all reality T.V. show kids should be protected. The man wants his nieces and nephews safe from well-documented abuses against young children in the entertainment industry that have gone on as far back as Jackie Coogan and the Dionne’s in the 1930’s! Et tu, Keven? What a betrayal! Brutus and Cassius and Judas are hanging their heads in shame.

Kate says you should go to the parent when there is a concern, not the media. Huh, how does one do that if the parent in question has estranged you? Because by Kate’s own admission, at the time of the hearing, she herself hadn’t let Kevin see the family in more than two years (though there were photos of Jon having them over when Kate wasn't home).


Ha, more clips of what a wonderful brother Kevin was and how helpful he was. Never thought I would say this, but, You go, TLC. Kate says she’s considering getting back together with the grandparents. “We’ll see.” She’s such a tease. She loves to keep people squirming, doesn’t she, especially people who love the kids. This is called manipulation, or if you like, psychotic.

An alarming number of clips of the children pummeling each other, many of which with no adult around whatsoever. I usually end the fight, Hannah explains. Ha, I bet she does. I usually help her, Leah adds. “And I usually run away!” says Joel. Haha, Joel! Does Kate realize what she has here? These kids are funny, I love this age. But kids say the darndest things should be for family and friends, not a bunch of obsessed strangers.

The kids all have unique personalities, Kate says. They do? Then how come all eight do all the same thing all at the same time all the time? And, they even feel all exactly the same, especially when it comes to backing up Kate, like regular Children of the Corn. Collin is anal, Kate says. You suck, Kate. The pattern here couldn’t be more simple--just a straight, You suck, Kate. And repeat.

Next question, where will you be in 30 years? Um, well tweeties, that’s all going to depend on the kids and which nursing home they pick, why don’t you ask them? Why don't you start with Mady?

Press three if you don't want us filming you going to the toilet. Oh, snap, three doesn't work!

As usual, Kate says, uhh, let me think, uhh, nope, she wouldn’t do a darn thing different if she had to do it over again. Sheesh, not even that boob halfway through tunneling its great escape? Nope, nothing, nothing at all. I half expect her to break into some long soliloquy about why Jesus loves her more than most. Kate actually thinks she made wise decisions. For herself, maybe. For her skin, her hair and her eight kids, not so much.

I love the clip they show from a few years ago of Kate with Steve in New York where Kate is boo-hooing about something or other stupid thing. Steve is basically like, well, Kate, welcome to life. You have to make a decision that might be hard just like we all do at times, oh, well, suck it up. Translation, quit your crying, you big freaking baby, how old are you? This clip was the moment when I realized she and Steve are in fact, actually not doing it, much to my surprise.

Kate wants lots of grandkids. She may have, but whether she will be allowed to see them will be another matter. Remember, kids are watching you, watching the things that you do. And that includes, estranging everyone you love around you.

Where would you be if you didn‘t have the show, Kate? Maestro, cue the music please.

(Press play, haters)


Struggling, bemoans Kate. Many, many shifts in a day as a nurse. (Uh, there are regulations regarding nursing shifts that wouldn‘t permit that.) Instead of raising chickens I'd have to eat chicken feed! Living in a shack and wearing potato sacks! Sip of water, crust of bread for dinner. Is America really this gullible? Sadly, apparently so.

Also, more hypocrisy from, Kate. I thought she said she is struggling with a purseful of bills? So, she would be struggling had she not had the show, too? Then what was the point? It sounds like her point at this moment in particular is to justify the exploitation by saying, look what a great lifestyle this show gave me, had I not had this, things would be so very, very destitute. Either the show has prevented poverty or it hasn‘t, but pick one story and get on board with one consistent message here and stop being such a Sybil.

If push came to shove would you ever work a normal job? Yes, but her preference is to be a narcissistic diva. Kate just hates the paparazzi. Except when she doesn’t.

The nosey tweeties want to know all about how the divorce made Kate and the kids feel. Kate can’t do everything, sob, sob, it’s been so hard. Well, they do still have a Daddy they see and love. Love so much many of them just said at the beginning of this episode they don’t want a new one. Just love to remind Herr Kate of that.

Kate doesn’t understand why “the law” (she says this like she‘s fifteen years old and talking about her parents‘ curfew) would let Jon have any say in these kids. Yes, it’s so very, very unfair for a father to be making decisions as to the children he not just fathered but raised and they adore. Apparently Kate has never heard of something called parental rights. Jon has them, and you have to be pretty darn abusive and detrimental for a very long period of time for the silly law to strip them away. But it’s Kate, the pesky law never applies to her. This is also another great example of Kate not thinking beyond the end of her powdered nose. Would she want the law to have such power that it can take away her parental rights just like that for a few mistakes two years ago? What a scary place that would be to live in. Over her tanned dead body. She wants the law to be a dictatorship against Jon, just not her. Jon is not on the same team as her, says Kate. Nope, he’s not. Team Exploitation is not a team the vast majority of people want to be on, not after six years of this.

Ha, more clips of Jon being an absolutely wonderful daddy. Real long clips with cute music of Jon being so cute with Leah and then Aaden, and all of them. Leah lovingly caressing her Daddy’s cheek. TLC is not exactly supportive of Kate’s propaganda campaign. In fact at this point it's a full-on counter-propaganda campaign. I wonder if they even refused mandatory sterilization, too.

Would you still be with Jon if not for the show? Again, why their business again? No! cries Kate. A bunch of clips of Kate being a complete shrew to Jon. Including this little gem, “YOU DIDN’T USE A COUPON??!!!” Who wouldn’t divorce this psycho eventually? The only crazy part is it was Kate who finally filed, not Jon.

Next question, if you could change one thing about you what would it be? Hold onto your hair extensions, folks, because Kate is going to do a teeny, tiny bit of self-reflection here. Kate wishes she were pleasant all the time and weren’t in a funk. Are you sitting down on your leather couch? She also doesn’t understand why she gets grouchy sometimes, probably because she feels uncomfortable. Uncomfortable? From the stick maybe? Kate wants to be perfect. That explains so much actually. People that want to be perfect are forever going to feel frustrated and grumpy.

Final question, what does she hope for the future? Healthy kids. That’s nice. Oh, and of course, to be on T.V. Kate thanks her creepy tweeple for their support. And we thank the creepy tweeple for hours of entertainment. We salute you, tweener tweeties!