Recap: Celebrity Wife Swap. Welcome to Shawshank.

Coming up on Celebrity Wife Swap. Kate gets to tell some other nice family raising their adorable son just fine that they are doing everything all wrong. This will go on for 42 long minutes. Batten down the BB Mercedes, it’s going to be one long, hypocritical ride. 

  

People know Kate best for Dancing with the Stars and for her reality show. No Kate, people know you best for your vile personality and also for sucking at motherhood.

Wow, I didn’t realize Kate had three books on the “New York Best Seller List.” Where’s that prestigious literary office out of, Jamestown? These books may have once been on some list in days gone by, but now according to the people on this blog, they’re bird cage liner.

What’s even funnier is no one bothered to tell Kate about her gaffe and let her do a take two. I like when it’s obvious production doesn’t give a crap. We started seeing a lot of this toward the end of Kate Plus 8: bad editing, poor sound quality, etc. There was even an episode where they didn’t even bother to put music in. Like a lazy high schooler printing out his English essay, the “eh, that’s good enough not to fail now let’s get some beer” attitude is amusing.

I see Jon’s now in the witness protection program, blurred face and all. Hopefully he’s somewhere tropical! As usual, Kate paints a picture that Jon is dead, but don’t worry, they were able to make this “positive” somehow, though she never explains what she means by this. Kate does all the cooking and oversees everything else. This really means, Kate does some of the cooking some of the time and the hired help does everything else all of the time.

“Somewhere around 2011” Kate was divorced, she said. Uh, no, Kate, you were separated and divorced in 2009. That’s more than three years ago, not one. Though judging by the way she still isn’t over this, 2011 sounds more much plausible, sure why not. Kate suffers from a permanent case of what can best be described as "fuzzy memories" and it’s nearly impossible to live with these kinds of people, always made to feel like you’re the crazy one and not crazypants here.   

Mady sums up Kate’s parenting style better than I can. “You’re going to do it my way,” she says with a slap of her hands. Pretty much. From refusing to let her 12-year-olds enter their own kitchen, to barking at them to put their napkins in their laps and roll up their jeans and tuck them under their boots and now I say, to the countless lists and more written rules, regulations and decrees plastered everywhere, a stint in Alcatraz is starting to sound like more fun, especially if a young Clint Eastwood could be there. I’ll even risk the life raft popping!

“All I’ve ever really known is work,” Mady says. “Work is a bad thing when you have too much.” Sniff.

Manipulated, demure B-personality Deanna better known around these parts as @DeannaTweeting, the BFF flavor of the month, will play the “husband” for this little lab rat experiment, as a poster here so accurately described it. But wait, @DeannaTweeting is a woman, you say as you scratch your head, and the hired help. You see, Kate has acted as preying mantis to anyone of the male persuasion so there are none left to choose from. Hired help it is!

Ha, I like how Kendra just owns it. People know me best as Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend, she announces shamelessly. That is correct. Kendra and her helpful husband Hank are cute, funny, and affectionate. Their little son Hank Jr. is a free spirit with darling long curly hair. It’s nice that Kendra acknowledges her hired help by name, Rosa, gives her the respect to call her what she is, the nanny and not just that person who watches my kids or the "babysitter” or “helper,” and describes her as a member of the family. Aw. I bet she even gets benefits too! I noticed the stark contrast between Rosa wrestling around with Hank Jr. on the couch, the two of them giggling up a storm, contrasted with @DeannaTweeting who gives one of the girls a light, polite hug when she arrives you might give some second cousin you barely know. The hug is shown twice from two different angles, making it seem like she hugged her twice to an undiscerning viewer. She didn't. 

Kendra says Rosa and Hank make it possible for her to lounge by the pool, party and otherwise behave like a trust fund baby, though she is also shown kissing Hank goodbye as she goes off to work. The women say goodbye to their families and head to each other’s respective houses. The hypocrisy has already started, with Kate admitting the kids don’t want her to leave, and the kids looking genuinely crestfallen to see her go. I thought they just loved this idea and couldn’t wait to do it! To me, these look like kids who just want things to be normal over their Columbus Day holiday and maybe even see their dad and friends.

“Hollywood is very Hollywood,” Kate says philosophically as she gesticulates. Even a wild hand flap can’t save that inane comment.

While Kendra tries her best to compliment the Wolf’s Lair as tidy, Kate saunters around Kendra’s cheerful, family friendly colorful pad, pointing at a little clutter here on the counter and crumbs there on the floor, and deciding the absolutely vast chef’s kitchen is not big enough. The whole thing takes an unexpected and might I add creepy turn when Kendra discovers the witch’s crematory just like in Hansel and Gretel! Oh, wait that’s just the bread machine. 

Hey, I just realized who the voiceover narrator is! Took me ten minutes to place it. That guy who narrates Extreme Couponing. Aw, I’d love it if he could do for us a little dramatic will they won’t they get their bill under 95 cents before they crash the cash register?? He makes coupons for half off Cheerios and 10 ketchups for $1 each edge of your seat thrillers. I had nearly as much fun with him as I did making my way through Locked Up Abroad recently. This is what reality T.V. has come to, but you can tell this guy totally just embraces it. Might as well.

Kendra and Kate sit down to read each other’s house manuals, standard formula for this silly show. Kendra is honest about her hired help, discussing her cook, housekeeper and nanny. Kate for some reason acts appalled about this (sorry, Katherine), and with a straight face, says she’d rather be all three. What she really means is she’d rather control all three, not actually be all three. There’s a difference. She must have forgotten how many times she’s told us about all her hired help. In fact her manual, posted online, says they’ve been through so many nannies she can’t even keep track, and she did an entire blog post about how she’s had at least a part time housekeeper since the children were babies. Babies! That’s nine years! These are but two examples of dozens of Kate’s admissions about her staff. For her part, Kendra is mostly just worried about how she is going to remember all these names. Think top ten popular baby names from 2003 and you’ll be fine, Kendra.

Oddly, all Kate will do this entire episode is judge Kendra, her family, her household, everything and anything about her. And yet in an interview with Inside Edition the other day, she goes on and on about how her bad experiences in the public eye (oh, poor thing!) has taught her one thing. Sadly, it’s not, I need to change my nasty behavior. Rather, she has learned not to judge. I think what Kate means to say is she doesn’t want to be judged. She couldn’t care less if anyone else is judged.  

By the way, Kate did so much hand flapping in that interview I thought she was going to take off. This is the interview where she was peddling some snake oil about how wrongly portrayed she is. I think hand flapping is the proverbial Pinocchio’s nose. The more you flap the more you’re lying. Oh, and she insulted Californians by implying it’s all Easy Street over here and all Kendra has ever known. She should take a stroll through Watts sometime and see how easy folks have it. The median income in California usually only hovers a few thousand dollars above the national average, nothing to write home about. California has a few incredibly wealthy neighborhoods that get a lot of screen time, but other than that, it’s like any other state, mostly hard working Americans just trying to make a living, with good parts, bad parts, and mostly in between parts. In fact, Kendra’s parents split when she was, sadly, only eight, a little younger than the twins, and she was hardly raised in Beverly Hills living in that mansion between Lisa and Adrienne. No, she certainly wasn’t poor, but she did grow up in the San Diego suburb Clairemont, which bears a striking similarity to Wyomissing, demographics wise.

Kendra took the divorce hard and turned to drugs to cope when she was only thirteen (thirteen!), and soon afterward, stripping. Otherwise, she had a pretty average childhood with public school and several years on the softball team. All Kendra’s “easy” childhood tells me is that it doesn’t matter how secure your family is in every other way, divorce can be very tough on kids and any mother who is brushing off the kids as “just fine” post-divorce needs to make sure they are delving a bit deeper. Kate always seems to judge people, including herself, on the possessions and environment that surround them, and never understands that those things usually have little correlation to happiness, how “easy” you have it, or how mentally stable you are. Anyway, I’m glad Kate decided to throw Kendra’s upbringing under the Mercedes because it prompted me to read up on it and actually discover what seems to be the root of Kendra’s issues, being a very young child in a broken home. Are you listening Kate? Approve of some of Kendra’s choices, nope. Excuse them, not on your life. Understand them better now, yes.

At O-Six hundred-and-three the children are to come downstairs for breakfast. Not 6:05, Kendra says in disbelief, not 6 o’clock. But 6-0-3! Welcome to Shawshank, Kendra. Fresh fish! Fresh fish!

Commercials. Kate also promoted this appearance on The View this week, in which I guess Brooke Shields drew the short straw and had to ask all the questions, bless her little heart, while Whoopie just sat there brooding. I’ll always remember Whoopie calling Kate an “angry bitch” and her desperate cries of “She got to go! Vote…her…off!” during Dancing With the Stars. It’s like she had been bottling it all up for years and it finally exploded, and also, she was at the end of her rope at not being able to get through to dimwits like Sherry. Now, she’s back to bottling, apparently. I get it, there’s a certain point where you’re just done trying. Kate’s outfit choice was inappropriate, to say the least.

Is she sure that was a dress and not a plus-sized babydoll top? That awkward moment when you realize that outfit you are wearing is not what you thought it was.

We’re back. Kendra appears to be doing some sort of Lamaze breathing in preparation for meeting the kids. Ha. The kids are hardly enthusiastic to find her in their house. They are incredibly shy and distant. When Kendra asks who’s excited, only Alexis raises her hand. Mady knows full well who Kendra is because she snuck downstairs to watch her show. So much for the schedule! @DeannaTweeting pronounces her name as Dan-a. That’s odd, I thought it was De-anna Tweeting. Or maybe she’s just mumbling like a New Yorker. No matter. 

Hank, Hank Jr., Rosa and Hank’s business partner (heh, so L.A.) meet Kate. Hank brings her a gorgeous big bouquet of flowers. Aw. As Hank pours Kate a glass of wine and fires up the grill, Kate remarks that she never gets to watch someone else cook. Geez, did Katherine die too?

I’m surprised @DeannaTweeting didn’t have to reference her propaganda manuel when she, with a straight face, informs Kendra that Kate does it all herself. Number one, @DeannaTweeting doesn’t even live in the same state so I hardly think she knows what goes on around here on a day to day basis. She is just basing this off what Kate tells her. Number two, Kate herself admits she certainly does not do everything (rather, she “oversees”), so @DeannaTweeting can put a sock in that one. I have to hand it to Kate though, she sure knows how to recruit for the Kate Youth.  On a side note, what a slap in the face, @DeannaTweeting, to all the people who have ever helped this family out, often for nothing in return. This is why Kate runs through dozens of nannies, when someone like Kendra likely will never lose Rosa until Hank Jr. is 18. And why you, Deanna, will probably, sadly, never move as far as you probably should in your career, as long as you make BFF with pathetic people like Kate. 

The kids seem to stick to their normal routine, doing their chores/hard labor and setting the table. Kendra just kind of goes with it, albeit perplexed the whole time. I like the compliments Kendra is giving the kids, that they are so smart, especially Mady. At dinner, Mady prays that Kendra will survive this week. That was sweet of her, though I’d be surprised if God cares about making sure D-list celebrities successfully swap households. Heck, I didn't even realize God had a T.V. I guess you never know, maybe He skipped NCIS this week to watch this. 

Interesting, Kendra has some real friends named Jessica and Kristen who stop by for dinner. We’re quickly back to Kendra, who is close to losing it at this point, her hair is disheveled and her forehead shiny as she puts the kids to bed. She gets them off to dreamland and heads downstairs to rinse off the eggs.

“I’m washing an egg right now,” she says. “Out of a chicken’s butt!” Thanks for the visual, Kendra. 

Ooo, I like their little shoe cubby hole by the stairs that holds all their shoes without being an eyesore. Nice. Sounds like a wet mess in the winter though.

Jessica and Kristen take Kate clubbing. At a place that features a strip pole. For someone who claims she’s only been clubbing once, she sure is tossing back those shots and Long Island iced teas like a pro. 

Kendra is awake early and makes the kids a perfectly acceptable breakfast of Cheerios and fruit, though the kids tell her, rather rudely, they want to have eggs. Geez, cut the gal a break, it’s her first morning here. On another note, had Rep. Murt's new child labor laws been in place when they filmed this episode (they weren't yet, almost), they would have just broken them, anyone catch it? Under the new law, there must be at least a 12 hour break between shooting the night before and shooting the next morning. Since Kendra fed them dinner and put them to bed the day before all on camera, and we know they go to bed around eight or so, having them filming again the next day at 6 a.m. was not a full 12 hour rest. And, this is just one reason why reform was needed. (The new law cheat sheet, downloads as a PDF.)

I like how Kendra listens to them and respects what they are saying, but doesn’t back down. She is a cereal person, she explains, and “we’re gonna get there” when it comes to eggs. But it’s not going to be this morning. Kendra is, surprisingly, rather good with kids. She talks to them like she's actually interested in what they have to say. It’s surprising how many adults don’t really know how to speak to a child. She could have told them she doesn’t care what they think, which in a round about way is exactly what Kate does. Instead she listened to their suggestions and offered to try it, just not for this particular breakfast. The boys seem to be having the time of their lives with this experiment, staring blankly forward without a word and not even acknowledging their new mommy. What’s going on here, their names weren’t drawn to tar the roof?

Kate finally rolls out of bed at nine o’clock, just as Hank is taking Hank Jr. to school. He instructs Kate to just relax. I guess from this little piece of information Kate has decided Hank is “enabling” Kendra. Or, you know, he’s just trying to be hospitable. Could be that. Kate bemoans outside by the pool that if she only had as much free time as Kendra (snort!) she would spend it with Hank Jr. I’m sorry, I missed the implication that Kendra and Hank aren’t spending enough time with Hank Jr. The kid’s usually around so far, he seems to be an active enough participant in the family dynamic and very comfortable with Kendra and Hank, he just melts into them like an adorable, curly haired little marshmallow. What information is Kate basing this rather serious accusation? You don't have to be with your kids twenty-four hours a day for heaven sake. He can go to school and see kids his own age like everyone else is doing in Calabasas, and you can even sit by the pool a little. 24/7 is not what anyone expected of Kate and it's not what anyone expects of this family either, except Kate. It's always extremes when it comes to Kate. The world is black and white, there is no gray, in her rigid mind. Not to mention, the only jobs she's really had in the past two years is a scant few media appearances and to write up a few silly blog posts once in awhile. The kids are in school all day. What does she do all day. Errands, I guess? How can you be doing errands eight hours a day five days a week? Not to mention she's off duty when Jon has the kids. Comparing her schedule with Kendra's IMDB, I'm really at a loss how Kate isn't the sloth here with more free time than most women could ever dream of in a lifetime. If she isn't, she is not as organized as she thinks she is. 

Back at the Wolf’s Lair, Kendra is up to things the hired help normally tackles, like the laundry and grocery shopping. And if there’s any doubt that the hired help doesn’t do the laundry, I think Kate’s directions taped to the machine will settle that! “Mandatory Uniform Policy. Check shirts for stains. After 1st wash [unintelligible] run with 2/3 cup bleach. Stain free! Doors need to be open when not running.” Now why would you need such elaborate directions for just yourself unless you have some kind of short term memory disorder ala Joseph Gordon Levitt in The Lookout? If that’s the case, your problems are bigger than messing up the mandatory laundry policy! Try robbing banks with such an issue, it’s no picnic. 

Kendra is all mouth agape exaggerated shock at the three bags of fruit she puts in the car. I never understand why people act so amazed at the amount of food that eight kids consume. Haven’t you ever been to, like, a large dinner party? More people, more food consumed, it’s really not that much of a Christmas miracle. 

Hank is really going out of his way to give Kate a great experience on her vacation. And this is a vacation. He gives Kate a golf lesson, an activity she conveniently packed a bright blue polo shirt and starched white shorts for. She’s actually not bad for her first time. Golf isn't easy I'll give her that, but she did it. It would be nice to see her at least try to take up a sport her kids are interested in instead of making them feign interest in whatever she's into at the moment. 

Kendra is still trying so hard to try to make a connection with the kids, even though they are understandably distant. She is a stranger after all and they were just abandoned by their mother for the week and have some flavor of the month BFF living in the garage apartment who doesn’t even appear to be around (I guess Deanna is really taking this "husband" role to heart. I appreciate her method acting.). Kendra's Herculean efforts are really touching. She relates to Cara because of sports and seems to have a “breakthrough,” she says. This is no act. You know these types, the “Yeah, dude, I love Grand Theft Cars!!” First of all, it’s Grand Theft Auto, and you’ve never played it a day in your life. Nice try though. Like I said, Kendra really did play on a real softball team as a kid for several years, so the Yeah Cara, I love sports too thing is for real. Kendra says the kids are “amazing” and talks about how much she adores Hank Jr. and how she doesn’t know how you would divide up your love among eight kids. That’s so funny, I’ve only ever heard the non-fans talk about how amazing the kids are and worry about how you could possibly give eight children the attention they need. Should we invite Kendra over here?? Kendra sincerely wants to know what Mady’s into. Mady goes on and on about loving acting and Kendra makes supportive comments like “amazing!” and I was into that too! (Another true statement, Kendra has several real acting credits on her resume, including a role in Entourage, and a couple bit parts in the Scary Movie franchise). I have to hand it to Kendra, I don’t think anyone exactly wanted to root for the Playboy Playmate here, but she makes it hard not to. 

Hank is proud of himself for getting Kate to loosen up, he says he deserves a pat on the back for that. He deserves more than a measly pat for that. Like something closer to a wallop. Over dinner out, Hank says nice things to Kate like that Kate is a strong woman who will find her Mr. Right, and Kate looks into Hank's eyes and says Kendra is really lucky. Aw. This dinner kind of has a Fatal Attraction vibe about it ....

Then Kate ruins the nice moment by saying to be a better mom she, Kate, needs to step away from her kids. Oh, give me an ever-loving break. We can all cite a hundred examples of how much this woman has neglected her kids and put herself first. She's talked all the time about how much she loves being away from home. Disgusting. 

Back at the Wolf’s Lair, the chore chart is so long it doesn’t even fit on the T.V. screen. The kids tackle the chores like little motorized Roombas, silently and effortlessly moving through the house with brooms and dustpans. They look like brunette Children of the Corn, it’s that creepy. I keep wanting to smuggle them a poster of Rita Hayworth and a Bible with a cut out inside to put a little rock hammer. Pretend you're just carving a chess set, kids.

This sad situation doesn’t go unnoticed by Kendra, and she really says it best here. “The hardest part for me is realizing these kids have so much to do, and so many jobs to do. I’m a big believer in a kid should be a kid,” she explains, her eyes welling with tears. “I know that they need structure and chores, but this is hard because .... “ She actually has to pause a moment she’s that emotional. “I just don’t like to be so strict, I feel bad, you know?” she finally chokes. Oh my God. 

Commercials. It’s pretty bad when a kid is doing so much hard labor they are actually making a grown adult weep. Usually when adults see kids doing chores all you hear from them is, “Eh, it’s good for them!” 

We’re back, and now we finally get to the interesting part of the show (well, as interesting as a show like this can get), where Kendra and Kate get to impose their own rules on the household. 

I love this, Kendra's first rule is the boys and girls are going to switch chores. Boy did she nail this one. Say what you like about her but that girl knows exactly what’s up and figured it out in only one day too. This one's got book smarts, she’s a regular Andy Dufresne.

It’s pretty pathetic that such a rule isn’t the norm anyway. Why are chores designated across such rigid gender stereotypes in the first place? Here’s a wild idea, why not just rotate the chores? Fairly, across all eight kids? No designating chores by gender. And Kate has the nerve to criticize Hank for “pampering” Kendra? Isn’t that the ultimate gender stereotype, the romantic leading man and his pampered housewife? The poor boys are so checked out none of them really respond to this change-up. The girls moan and groan but seem game, I guess. Good, they need to get a taste for what their brothers go through.

Back in L.A. at Casa Kendra, Kate has finally been allowed to set up a satellite bunker to the Wolf's Lair, and it's creepy how much happier she looks now. Unlike Kendra, who speaks off the cuff, Kate apparently needs little cue cards so she doesn't mess up telling Hank he's enabling Kendra by pampering her. Aw, poor Hank looks genuinely crushed. You have to be careful when you insult how a man treats his wife. You could be met with tears or even a fist.

"Why is Hank doing practically 100% when there's (sic) two parents?" Kate asks.

I don't know Kate, why was Jon doing practically 100% when there were two parents?

Kate announces Rosa is outta here and she'll be taking care of Hank Jr. "You're not care me," Hank Jr. says defiantly. Ha, kid's got a lip! The kids resist Kendra's idea to have a picnic with tacos in the basement. Mady reminds them these are the rules of the psychological experiment they were neither emotionally or intellectually old enough to consent to. No chores, lots of playtime, the kids cheer.

@DeannaTweeting is making annoying faces and mutters some nonsense about how the kids need the schedule to make the house run and keep the kids happy. Shut up, @DeannaTweeting. It's not the kids' responsibility to make the house run, it's their job to go to school, after-school activities, play, and lastly to do some chores, within reason, that don't interfere with those other things. They didn't ask for a mansion. If you want a mansion, you don't get to enslave your children to keep it up. Downsize, or hire a larger staff, and be done with it.

Kate puts the Hanks on a schedule with chores. "Call her Miss Boss now," Hank snarks. Heh, that's not all I would call this woman, but it's a start.

Well, the girls seem to be doing just fine tending to the chickens. They like it. Kendra talks about bonding with them. You know what I like about Kendra? She doesn't just treat this as an experiment to see how she would react to a different situation, like how Kate views it. She treats it as an opportunity to get to know and love eight kids, and try to make a difference in their sad lives, however small. I am moved by this, truly moved. Just proves that no matter what your past, it doesn't mean you don't have a beautiful heart. The kids show her their really cool treehouse, but, oh man, it's locked! Locking the treehouse is as odd as locking your refrigerator or something. Not something most normal people would ever think to do unless you are maybe A Child Called It’s mother. Kind of funny that Kate and her fans defended this later as being a safety issue, when the treehouse has a vast staircase with a railing safer than many real house stairs. 

  

"Mady said to me, I didn't have this much fun in two weeks. That's all I needed to hear," Kendra says with a big genuine smile. When was that, when she was at Jon's? Oh, snap! I am happy Mady is having fun, but confused why there would be such a long stretch of misery in between. She is only 12, how hard can her life be? Under Kate's reign, pretty awful apparently.

Hank Jr. happily puts away his toys and is so cutely proud of himself for earning piggy bank money. Aw. Naturally, Kate really can't help herself, gloating and shooting smirky looks at Hank the whole time, which is odd, since Hank never said he objected to Hank Jr. doing chores and in fact made it clear he supported Junior starting to learn responsibility, he just said he knew it would take time to get used to it is all.

Kendra picks just about the absolute worst meal to have on the floor, tacos. Hannah steps through Alexis's taco and then giggles sinisterly about it. Ugh. The kids are so horrified by the mess and chaos and Alexis is nearly in tears. Great, now they're going to have an even bigger phobia of emancipation. Poor Kendra tries to tell them that spills are okay but they're really not having it.

I don't mind this rule, Kate says Hank Jr. should sit at the table with his parents. Hank Jr. is having a hard time behaving, but like his father said, this will take time. You can tell Hank is starting to crack under all the criticism, but this man has the patience of a saint.

Aw, Kendra arranges for an ice cream truck to pull up to the house and they love it. Kendra has already started processing this experience and thinking about making changes in her own life, opining that she should spend more time with her family. Good for her.

While Kendra has long taken the kids to school, Kate's finally up at 9 a.m. Did she party last night again? Kate keeps Hank Jr. at home today and they have breakfast, play, and do an art project. It goes all right I guess. I don't like how she constantly talks down to Hank Jr and corrects him, that will get old real quick, but Hank Jr. seems fine. I like the mischievous twinkle in his eye, like he's inwardly cataloguing all of Kate's transgressions for when he someday takes his sweet revenge.

Baw-haha, I love this, Kendra's girls day is not with any of Kate's friends, but with @DeannaTweeting and one of her friends. Really? All of PA and they couldn't find one friend of Kate's to go to lunch with?

"They're amazing kids," Kendra emphasizes once again. Aw. She really believes this, too. "To Kate! To Supermom!" Kendra says as she toasts. Kendra, Kendra.

Kate admittedly has another rather good idea, she arranges a family yoga session for the Hanks. Babies doing yoga poses is unexpectedly adorable! I dare you not to say "aww" at this:

And how about this:

Anyway, the problem here is that Kate is hellbent on getting Hank to agree that this is the most fantastical amazingish idea she has ever come up with. Hank is reluctant, explaining that Hank Jr. already does yoga at school and Kendra has her own class. See, Kate needs to offer up ideas, and then let Hank decide for himself if he wants to change. Some he may resist, some he might actually be open to, like the chores. But insisting he must agree with her and only her on each and every thing is only going to make him more resistant. And, it just seems rather arrogant. And hypocritical of course, that's a given.

Kendra takes the kids out for a fun night go carting and one of those play gyms with ropes and climbs and such. The kids adore it. I mean, adore it. Mady's taking photos, they're cheering, it's great. Kendra says she wants them to have real childhood memories besides chores. Kendra, don't worry, Kate has devoted her life's work to seeing to it they make memories. The memories thing is well covered.

Glenn Close over here is giving Hank sultry looks as she explains that Hank does more than his fair share. You know the Five Love Languages? Hank's love language is "Acts of Service," that's all. Kendra admits she needs to change a few things, fair enough, but maybe she brings different things to the marriage, like income, humor and emotional support. Not every aspect of marriage is measured in brooms and dustpans. I would guess her love language is probably "Words of Affirmation" judging by her interactions with the kids. Hank explains this is what works for them and he likes it. Since it's not hurting anyone and they seem happily married, I don't see why it's so darn important to Kate that Kendra do more hard labor, other than jealousy and resentment. Just let them speak their own Love Languages and leave them be. Also there's this weird undertone like she's trying to imply that she was once in a marriage like this only she was Hank (double snort!), and she's trying to "save" him from her sad fate. Pathetic, yet hysterical too, since delusion is funny to me. Also, anyone see the irony in a divorced woman who can't even get a date giving relationship advice to two happily married people on their first marriage? Tee-hee.

Kendra is still learning about herself over at the Wolf's Lair, realizing that if she can manage eight kids on her own, she can manage one on her own. She's still washing eggs, I don't know why that's funny but it is. Meanwhile Kate's still gloating about what a difference she had made in Hank Jr.'s life because she gave him a few chores. The swap is over, and of course Kate has already decided that she learned that she has the best behaved kids ever and thank God she implemented such a militant schedule or these kids might have turned out like, gasp, Hank Jr.! Why am I not surprised the only thing she would get out of this whole thing is to feel even more validated?

Kate, Kendra, Hank and @DeannaTweeting gather at a roundtable to discuss the experience. Kendra says nice things like the house felt like a family home. 

Kate in reply tells Kendra that Kendra doesn't care and just lets everyone else do everything. Kendra is already in tears. Does Kate have to try to be such a bitch or does it just come naturally? I see no problem telling poor Kendra that maybe she could change up a few things, but you don't have to be cruel about it. And funny thing is Kendra learned this all on her own this week without Kate's help before she ever sat down. Hank is basically like, that's just not true, she's great with Hank Jr., and that Kendra shouldn't change. He's finally cracked!

Kendra could have left out the "I need to go out and get drunk" comment, but otherwise I don't understand why Kendra isn't allowed to maintain her friendships in Kate's world. I liked what Hank did, invited his buddies over for a grilled dinner while Hank Jr. was there. That way he is still getting to socialize without neglecting Hank Jr. There is a happy compromise somewhere. 

Kendra asks if Kate has ever been through a live for myself stage. Baw-haha! Kendra, this is no stage. That implies someday you might come out of it. Kate's all like oh no never! Meanwhile @DeannaTweeting is just dumbly nodding at all this. She's so obnoxious. 

Kendra sounds like a normal person saying schedules are great I never said I object to schedules but there should be a bit of spontaneity every once in awhile. Amen. Kinda sad when a Playboy Playmate knows more about child psychology than a nurse.

Kendra talks about going off schedule to see the treehouse and how fun that was (even though it was locked, Kendra still made it fun). Basically Kendra is trying to tell her to let the kids go off schedule for things like that, but @DeannaTweeting says what they are trying to say is Kate needs to "forgive" herself for taking 30 minutes out for herself. Well, Kate's open to that suggestion, naturally. Oh Lord @Deanna, that is not what Kate should take away from this at all. Go away.

The bottom line is Kendra and Hank learned some wonderful lessons from all this, and they talk about growing up and spending more time with Hank Jr. Kate is so tearful that she helped Kendra accomplish this. Kate, you didn't do anything, it was spending time with the kids that made Kendra think. Kate of course learned she is right and also that it would be nice to have someone else to share her workload. What workload? Maybe she means all the chore charts she writes? That probably does take considerable time!

Final score, Playboy Bunny: 1, Shrew: 0.