Recap: Celebrity Apprentice Ep. 2, Nobody Out Thinks Donald Trump. Ummmmm.......

Last time on Celebrity Apprentice, Jonas brother hates Geraldo because if the task they did was actually a different task than the one they were actually doing, Geraldo would have sucked at managing the team on that other, hypothetical task. There is a lot of talk from the contestants about what if's on this season so far. Why?? It's not fan fiction. That feud wasn't enough however to cause the men to lose. Vortex pummeled the women, raising almost twice what they did, and it was off to the boardroom for Team Botox.

I like the way the announcer says Kate Goz-land. Makes her sound more like one of those flamboyant mob wives and less like the doofus she is. Goz-land should have been fired because she was the only one on the team to suck at everything about the task, but Keisha refused to ask a sexual predator for money and was let go instead.

Ooo, Times Square time lapses! Commercialism sped up to 10 minutes per second.

Geraldo explains some very basic strategy in this game, in that you need to chip away at people in the boardroom. Well, yes. I mean, sometimes. It depends. Whatever, I'm not here to debate game strategy with that one. Then he says chipping away at him is like chipping away at Mt. Rushmore. Oh, goodness gracious.

Kate and Jamie arrive back in the suite. They dodged a bullet, somebody says. More like an entire magazine of bullets. Geez. I really can't believe the way Kate weaseled her way out of last episode's firing. Truly, Goz-land has the luck of a leprechaun, a horseshoe and a rabbit's foot all smushed together. Dumb luck, mind you. It's not like she knows what she's doing when she manages yet again to skate by. It just sort of happens to her. Like, all the time. Had this Cosby thing come out just a tiny bit earlier, nobody would have questioned Keisha for not calling him and she would still be here and Kate? Toast. But here she is, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, back to live another day. She must be some kind of super grade of plastic that never melts.

Oh, and Kate's crying. Again. She's still upset that Brandi called her lazy last episode.  Why that one little slam bothered her so much and all the other negativity about her rolled right off her, can only suggest some sort of extreme overcompensation. It's like she thinks if she just screeches loud enough that she's not lazy and a mom, then it's not true she's lazy. I mean, why not be just as upset that a real chef hated your food? Isn't cooking what half her schtick has been about for years?

Brandi is like fine I didn't mean lazy I meant you didn't hustle. Eh, same thing, and I officially love Brandi. Others are like Kate relax, sheesh.

Kate has eight kids. How could she be lazy? DRINK! Double shots, she got in the single mom thing too. I like her faulty logic, as if once you pop out a kid it's physiologically impossible to ever be lazy again, and how typical the person she commiserates to in a whisper right in front of Brandi is Shawn. Pathetic, and rude. If you didn't like something Brandi said, tell her. But don't wrap Shawn up in your drama. You know she would love nothing more than to recruit her two little minions here against Brandi, regardless what that would mean to the games of those young women.

Because Brandi is good at this game, she smooths things out with Kate, plays it like, I'm a mother too I get it and as a mother I don't know what I was thinking saying that to you, I must have forgotten that once you pop out a kid, it becomes physiologically impossible to ever be lazy again, silly me. Kate calms down, then Brandi turns right around and says in her interview Kate's not a businesswoman and she hasn't a clue what Kate would do for money if she wasn't on our TVs yelling at her kids. Lol! You and this entire blog, Brandi.

Their next task will be to make a commercial for a tech company called Neat. They will focus on the company's cloud service and scanner.

A paperless life is really the thing right now, and I got on board a few years back. One of the best things I ever did for my organization was start using a free program called Evernote. I love it so much I even put it in the sidebar of this blog awhile ago. I can't explain how much better I feel binging and purging my life and digitalizing everything, from finances to photos to fashion. Not only that, but if you use Evernote the way it's designed, you end up saving a ton of time, energy and space.

Just as an example, it's great for organizing your taxes as you go. Every January I make a bunch of different folders for receipts and such and throughout the year scan documents into their respective folders. Once tax season comes around it's all right there, already organized for me ready to go, I just need to input a few numbers and I'm done. Has cut my tax prep time in half.

Neat is "new age," says Trump. Ha, new age? Well I guess it does feel sort of spiritual when you can throw out all your receipts because you've scanned them in and put them in their respective folders.

Oh, good ole George is gonna be one of the advisors this week! Aw, he looks good. This is like seeing an old uncle you haven't seen in years. I can't believe how long this show has been on. I remember the good old days, watching it in college when it was hugely popular. The first time I saw it was when one of my professors invited the entire class over for dinner and to watch it all together. We had so much fun. She thought it had enough educational value to be worth the trouble, which it kind of did back then.

So, project manager selections. The women understand right away this is about technology. Yes, but it's also about a tool that helps with organization, and about making a short film that explains that. I have to admit it is very obvious from my viewing none of the women want the job. Some of them even flat out say so. I think there is some serious game play going on here, in that most of them have decided to avoid PM at all costs no matter what as long as possible. I don't think it's that they're just being real wusses, except for a few of them.

I think if we're being real, the PM should be Leeza. She has the most TV experience of anyone and even if it's a product not up her alley she would have the best idea about what makes a good commercial. But she just won't go for it, acts like this is all about tech stuff and not all about making a short film. I don't believe for a second someone as smart as Leeza doesn't realize this is about conveying a message, whatever the message, through filmmaking, and would be great for her. She knows, she's just sticking to her game plan.

I have to give Kate a tiny bit of credit here for stepping up, though she's loathe to do it. Although it would be kind of stupid for her to crow so much about being so organized then refuse a task that involves organization. Her own mouth screws her over again. Shouldn't have made that household manual, doofus. Smart to let Kate take the job. She's already on the chopping block and it will be incredibly easy to get her fired if she blows this. The women know this, and Kate played right into their hands. And I hate to say it but from Kate's perspective this may not be the worst move. Risky, but that's what this show is about. It's a chance for her to redeem herself instead of always being the one in question for weeks to come. Color me surprised she steps up on task two, though I think she really had no choice. She's apparently not smart enough to realize that everyone else is playing musical chairs while she stands around, and they all got a chair without ever inviting her to join the game in the first place. She's not smart enough to figure out a way to avoid tasks that are tailor made for all the skill sets she's bragged about in the past, nor is she smart enough to figure out a way into the rest of the team's game.

The men are pretty reluctant about this one too. I guess everyone has their assistant do their tweeting and run their lives and nobody feels organized on their own merit. The doughy Jonas brother steps up. Good, if you think you can do a better job than Geraldo let's see it.

Well, I figured out why Jonas brother hates Geraldo so much. Because he's kind of similar to him! He's arrogant but doesn't see himself as arrogant. He thinks he knows what he's talking about when he doesn't. He says he has a leg up over his entire team. Okay, sure. It is kind of funny though that the Jonas brother puts all the people he perceives as duds in the second car back, which is Geraldo, the cute but rather forgettable so far baseball player, the crab fisherman whose only contribution last week was to burn 600 pies, and poor Gilbert. Lol, that wasn't obvious at all, Jonas brother.

Oh Geraldo's onto this little stunt. But but, "I'm Geraldo!" he cries, scandalized. There must be some mistake, I cannot be assigned to car number two. I demand a recount. The best part is, that's not a joke to him.

Jonas already hates all Geraldo's ideas, some of which are not half bad. The crab fisherman can't figure out if Geraldo is serious about these ideas or is just doing it to annoy Jonas brother, he's in the back practically falling over from laughing so hard. I think it's so funny when people's feuds end up just being the butt of the joke to everyone else. People want so badly to "win" their little feuds when really nobody else cares and is just laughing at both of you actually.

The women meet, and Kate is already making excuses, you know setting it up just in case they fail miserably. She says she's not technological, and finds this all "confusing." I mean, I'm a big tech nerd, but I understand not really being into technology. Frankly life would be simper with less technology. But I don't think it's hard to understand this brand. They help you go paperless; at this stage the big picture is more important to understand than the details of how they do that, but I don't get the sense Kate even gets that part of it. She has this look on her face like "computers, technology, the interwebs, I'm lost." I don't care if you want to keep all your receipts in a musty shoebox with a couple mothballs under your bed all year, but surely you can understand the concept of scanning your receipts in and storing them in the cloud. At what point does willful ignorance become stupidity?

Brandi said they quickly realized they have no project manager. Lol, Brandi. Well, they never were going to have a PM in Kate. It doesn't matter if the task is to pop out eight kids then tell the rest of the world for the next ten years you popped out eight kids, they wouldn't have a project manager in Kate.

The Neat executives arrive to meet with the women. It's becoming very clear this is not a hard concept. As explained before, you scan things in and they're saved in the cloud. Kate is making disoriented faces while Leeza takes over the meeting.

Since there has been a bit of debate about whether it was reasonable for Kate to understand what this company does, I decided to do a little experiment and see how long it took me to get up to speed on Neat. I went to the Neat web site, and first tried their "our company" button, which usually breaks things down. Admittedly, it wasn't that helpful, it was vague and salesman-y. It was talking about a lot of irrelevant awards and whatnot that aren't going to help me understand them. But then I went to their "products and services" page, where they have a clean, organized list of all their products and services. I clicked on each one, and they each have a picture and a short paragraph explaining what it is and what it does. They also have another section called "why Neat" that kind of explains the whole big picture as simply as possible with lots of photos. It took me all of about five minutes to feel pretty up to speed about who they are and what they do. I don't know if I understand the technology behind exactly how they do it, fair enough, but I understand what they're trying to accomplish. If Kate or others were still confused at this hour, the PM should have called a time out and had everyone start reading up on them. Fifteen, twenty minutes of research could have saved Kate hours of confusion.

Lol, while Jonas is trying to have a super official and professional meeting with the Neat executives Geraldo is pacing right behind him, talking on his cell loudly about some random thing from his personal life. I heard something about a lawsuit and a contract. I wonder if Marty Singer is on the case. I'm bored with Jonas brother already and I want to know more about what this lawsuit is all about.

You know how when someone loves a word and says it a lot, and then other people around them start picking it up? Ian is now using Ivanka's buzzword "naive" to mean the dozens of things it means, in this case obnoxious.  Ian says I know what it looks like Geraldo being "naive" and all, but Geraldo is actually just being strategic here. I guess you could call poking a Jonas brother repeatedly in the tummy because it's turing out to be kind of fun to watch him squirm "strategic."  Jonas brother says he thinks Geraldo must fancy himself the center of the universe. He's just thinking this now? Jonas brother is about two and a half episodes behind.

Commercials!

The women. Everyone's throwing out okay ideas for the concept of their commercial. Kate just continues to look confused and either doesn't like any of the ideas or more likely, doesn't understand them. She really does need things explained to her a couple times before she starts to get it. You know, I always knew she wasn't that bright but even I'm surprised how slowly her mind churns and how hard it is for her to grasp the simplest of concepts. It's painful to watch. A show like this is going to expose all your vulnerabilities to the max. Leeza's like, come on already, get it together and pick something.

Finally all the other women are like we like this idea of a disorganized woman and the Neat-ologist comes in and cleans up her life.

Kate says Ummmmm...... then realizes since everybody likes it maybe she should too, and gives the go ahead. Lol, Leeza is already calling herself the defacto PM. She picks out the strongest team member in the room, Brandi, and the two of them sit down and start working out their commercial. The two of them are likely going to make the final four.

Meanwhile Kate's over there with one of her minions, gulping down what looks like a 16 ounce detox drink from the juicer and chit chatting. Tee-hee.

Brandi's just like Kate pretty much sucks at this and Leeza and I are running the show. Cut to more shots of Kate with her minions, stuffing her face and yacking away. Wow, the editors hate her. Haha. Kate's contribution to the cause is to eventually go over to the two masterminds and insist she bring them over some lunch and that they eat while they work so they don't die. Like they need Kate's permission to eat. What's next, hot towels, a little shoulder rub to get their blood flowing and the creativity pouring out? This is so funny, this is really what she thinks a PM does. In fairness, this episode is much more heavily edited than normal so it's possible we're missing a lot of conversations that would give this context, but the way it's edited we never see Kate saying okay now Brandi you do this and Leeza this. It looks more like the two women sort of made eye contact and were like, oh geez. Kate, you stay here, drink your juice, and we'll check back later. Lol.

Leeza and Brandi look like it would just be better if Kate just goes away and leaves them alone and lets them get this done. "Have a lollipop and get the bleep to work," Brandi quips. Hahahhaha, if only she knew.

Over at Team Doogie Howser, Jonas brother has Lorenzo as director, Ian as producer, and Gilbert as the star. That seems like appropriate roles for their skills. Geraldo will be the writer, and turns out the script he's coming up with is at least making Ian laugh. So far on this show, the men always look so much more organized and efficient and the women more like bees around a hive. Kind of embarrassing.

Back at the women's team, Kate is still interrupting the real PMs wanting them to make the final call on things, etc. Brandi's just like gaaa leave me alone just let us do it!

Kate is like look I need to see the vision to be able to function. That's great, the PM is asking Brandi to hand her over the vision of this project. Brandi is just a hoot. She's like ok here's the vision, sweetheart: here's the desk, and here's the chair. Get it now? Lol. But seriously, Brandi must be sooo frustrated with this doofus.

Brandi throws in there that she's doing all the work and all Kate's been doing is stuffing her face. What! I didn't! Kate cries. Oh, but it's on film, including a fresh squeezed juice, a coffee and a sandwich, so. "Don't default to drama!" Kate scolds. Of course she tells the cameras that the problem on the team is Brandi, who is buckling under the pressure. Yes, yes, Kate, Brandi's the problem, she's buckling like a belt, now go away and let her work.

They begin filming the commercial, and Leeza's doing all of that of course. Kate trolls around nearby scrutinizing the scene like she knows what she's doing and making useless comments like, "you guys rolling?" Leeza is flat out ignoring Mrs. DeMille, or shall I say Mrs. DeMaladroit, like she's not even there. The whole crew is ignoring her really. Even one of the minions Shawn was impressed with how well Leeza took over, directed the crew, etc. Well of course. She's a legend who has been in front of cameras and on sets every day since she was 25 years old. Eventually Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 hours rule works out for people. I hope Shawn gets a clue she's aligned with the wrong woman soon.

Leeza really should have been PM, she could have easily smoked the boys and been the hero, but since there's no way she's "scared" of it, there's not a bone in that woman's body that would be intimidated by this silly game, I really have to assume her game play means insisting on avoiding PM no matter what, even if you'd be great at it. Be careful, because Trump may get annoyed with that after awhile.

Over at the men's things are plugging along. Lorenzo's absolutely great at directing, and continues to be his usual sexy self. Crab fisherman has a friend from some other Discovery show that does voice overs and he quickly lines him up to be a part of their commercial. The men are all excited about that, except Geraldo, who somehow thinks this is a conspiracy on the level of the JFK assassination cooked up against him. Jonas brother and Geraldo commence some big stupid fight over something, probably about whose manhood is the biggest, and bless his heart, Lorenzo pulls Geraldo away from the situation and strokes his ego by offering him the part of voiceover understudy. He does one of those man-to-man grips of his back that men do, and Geraldo returns the favor by brushing him off snapping at him not to touch him. What the hell? For the first time, I think Geraldo is kind of crazy. Like really certifiably off. Lorenzo's just trying to help, he was being nice. I'm so annoyed there is a nutjob bigger than Kate on this show. Wow, Lorenzo says in his 30 years on sets this is the most egotistical behavior he's ever seen. Even worse than the set of Bro, What Happened?? That's saying a lot.

The men hit the editing bay. The Discovery voiceover does sound professional, I think that was a good choice. Geraldo thinks their cut of a commercial needs a graphic on one of the shots. I'm not sure what he's talking about, but if he's talking about branding, generally the more branding you can do the better. Because Jonas brother loathes him, he refuses to listen.

The women are in the editing bay, and since food was an issue, I note that there are big bagels and cream cheese, waters and coffee all around. From the bits and pieces I've seen of their commercial it looks like one of those late night cheesy things you find on stations like Hallmark, where they always exaggerate the problem, which often isn't even really enough of an inconvenience to call a "problem" in the first place. Eggs sticking to your pan ruining your life? Coat always falls off its coat hanger make you want to stab yourself in the stomach and die a slow painful death? We have the answer!

Leeza is running the whole show, naturally.  Kate's mad that Kenya is just showing up to the task now, but Trump earlier excused her because she has a career and had a prior commitment. He said it was fine, so, too bad. Leeza's all like, without me we wouldn't even have had a commercial. Well, you and Brandi, yes that's probably true. That's a little different than one of the sheeple saying without Kate there would be no pies last task. Well no, somebody else would have baked the pies. Without Leeza and Brandi, however, nobody else seems to even know how to switch their iPhone photo app over to video let alone be capable of putting together a real commercial.

On every season of this show there are always some token duds but I never remember an entire team being this helpless before, with only two, maybe three members max capable of doing the simplest of tasks. After 78 other celebrities already making the rounds of this show, I guess the IQ pool is really narrowing down.

They're about to show the executives their commercial. Of course Leeza is presenting not the actual PM. But in this case I don't care who the PM is, Leeza is the only one who has any business presenting.

I don't know about the women's commercial. It's pretty simple. A disorganized woman and a cluttered desk, and Vivica acting like a sexy fairy who cleans it all up for her. They say Neat scanners and smartphones will help with this, but they don't explain much about how. I think they should have at least shown the woman using the scanner. Vivica thinks the executives liked it because one smiled.

The men's commercial is still vague like the women's, but I think they did a better job highlighting the tasks Neat can do, like keeping track of business cards or emails. I actually liked their commercial a little better simply because it at least tried to explain the product's uses. Still, I think both commercials missed the boat on really explaining how the product will turn your stack of messy papers into something paperless and useful. Paperless will change your life, but unless you explain how it does that nobody will want to get on board. Jonas brother feels they nailed it because one of the executives nodded.

The Boardroom already? A lot of viewers are saying these episodes feel very rushed, and I agree. They used to be two hours, but now they are one. Two hours was maybe too much and allowed for long, sometimes painful stretches of silly drama the first hour and a lot of squabbling in the boardroom that went nowhere, but one hour feels like you're getting whiplash bouncing back and forth from the men to women. An hour and a half might be just right. The NBC show that I thought was ridiculous to stretch out into two hours was The Biggest Loser. It's an okay show but nobody needs to see people weigh in on the scales for 45 minutes. Absurd. TV should be better than that, even reality T.V.

Geraldo is his usual smooth talking self in the boardroom, flattering Jonas brother as a fine young man and leader, and his criticisms are real softball and vague. This man is crazy, but he knows darn what he's doing in this game. To his credit, Jonas brother refuses to throw anyone under the bus either just yet, insisting he won't go in that direction. I do like how the men are supportive of each other, who can truly just turn it off and leave all their drama at the door when they need to, which is generally something men are so much better at than women. Jonas loves Gilbert, says he's a hard worker no ego who does whatever you ask of him. I do get the sense Gilbert has no ego, which is refreshing. If anything he's mostly self deprecating.

Aw, I'm proud of Gilbert and so is Trump. Without missing a beat, Gilbert says, "Thank you, Mein Fuhrer." Hehe! Ha, I like that they cut to a closeup of Kate when he says that. Heil Krieder! Lol, who did she piss off in the editing bay?

Clearly we won, says Geraldo, which is almost always what you should say in the boardroom.

Kate on the other hand is a doofus who hesitates to say they won. Her coach told her to tell Trump they met all the criteria of this task, which she says twice in case you didn't hear her/Steve the first time. Of course she doesn't like Brandi, who along with Leeza did everything on this task.

Brandi is like I was panicking because (Kate Goz-land was our PM!!!! and) we didn't have anything done. People, somebody had to panic!

Don Jr. said the executives generally liked the women's commercial, but their target market was too narrow with just women, when this product is for a variety of people. I didn't notice that, but good point. And I didn't see anyone asking the executives in the meeting the important question of who their target market was, although it was very heavily edited. George says they generally liked the men's commercial too, but that the commercial didn't include enough about their cloud service. Oh, no. I've seen this show enough to know any time you don't cover a topic you were specifically asked to cover in your commercial, you're done for. In that sense doofus over there is right, the women met the criteria. And even though their commercial was vague, hyperbolic, amateur, weirdly sexy, and missed their target market, they did mention both the scanner and the cloud. That will be enough to win.

The executives think both teams did well. By the way executives do not hesitate to say when one team missed the mark, so it's not like they're just being nice. But sure enough, the women win it. BOOM, Kate's ego explodes!!! She seems to be looking upward to her heavenly Father for thanks. Must be awhile since she checked in up there, might want to dust off the cobwebs. I would say God probably did answer her prayers to please win her task making a commercial about scanners for a reality show on NBC: He sent Leeza and Brandi.

Kate's practically shaking she's so overwhelmed, lol, what a teenager. She will get 40 grand for her charity, which is Camp Barnabas, and she memorized her script from Steve explaining it's a camp for handicapped children.  I mean, not to be nitpick, but Steve, most people would prefer you not say handicapped anymore. It's a word that focuses on disabilities instead of abilities. Whatever, it's a good charity. Brandi knew it, she knew they would win! Once she and Leeza took over, yep. Congratulations, Kate, you won a battle of wills with a Jonas brother, which is slightly more admirable than winning a battle of wills with a 3-year-old.

Holy crap, Kate says again back in the suite. I don't think I mentioned it but that's her new favorite catch phrase, she says it all the time. Jamie gets them to all hold hands and just have a moment of gratitude about this. That sort of touchy-feely exercise is such a peace and love snowboarding culture thing that I quite like about it. I like her but I wish she would stay away from Kate.

Time to watch the men in the boardroom! I'll get through this quick because Kate's sitting this one out.

Jonas brother still hates Geraldo, but this backfires on him because they think the problem is not so much Geraldo but that Jonas didn't do a good job managing Geraldo. Oh, and as part of my inventory of the food in this episode since Kate got so pissy about that on twitter, there are at least four heaping platters of lovely finger foods and champagne and wine all around. The ladies are chowing down. It's anything but mile 1,980 of the Pacific Crest Trail. The women all advise Jonas not to put himself up against Geraldo, which they're right that's really stretching your luck. I like how anything the women say Kate always nods wildly in agreement. I mean, I guess it's wise to just go along with them, but an independent thought now and again would be nice, and less bobble heading all the time.

Donald is orange.

By the way, Jonas brother is terrible at this game, bless his doughy heart. He is completely consumed with Geraldo. Like obsessed. This feud quickly started to color his judgement about everything, including whether it was really wise to jump up and be PM in the first place.

Speaking of colored judgment! Ian and Geraldo as the two guys he is bringing back? You're kidding. Oh god this kid is a royal idiot.

The women are freaking out just like I am. I hate this but Kate is right, he's trying to force Trump to fire Geraldo by going all kamikaze and putting two strong players up against him. She finally figured something out. And suddenly I get the title of this episode. Jonas brother thinks he's outthinking the Trump and forcing his hand on something. Except Jonas brother made an incredibly arrogant mistake in assuming Jonas brother is a strong player too. Dumbass. Jonas brother is done. Also I think it's utter bullshit (darn, and I vowed not to curse in these recaps!) that he is putting Ian's game and charity on the line just to try to manipulate the situation. My boyfriend works hard and thus far has never made a mistake. My boyfriend is incredibly mature and gracious about this complete and utter bullshit. Good grief, what an idiot. See ya, get outta here.

And it happens, this was inevitable from the moment he picked Ian. Jonas brother, you're fired! Good riddance, I didn't like you.

They head back to the suites, and I think Ian is embarrassed that Jonas brother just used him like that, because he picks a fight with Geraldo when the two teams should be celebrating for the two who made it through. He thinks Geraldo made a mistake not listening to the new bloods and that this is a team thing. I think young people can have good ideas sure, but just like there are old people who are idiots there are young people who are idiots, and Kevin Jonas was a young idiot.

We speed right into the second hour and the teams are all lined up in some big lobby, inside this time thank goodness which will make Gilbert happy. Their task is to create a bistro that highlights a company called Luvo. These episodes are really suffering from the heavy editing at this point, because they don't really explain much about what Luvo is. I don't usually buy frozen meals, but I understand it's something like an upscale Stouffers maybe. In any case this sounds fun! It's a good thing Kate just put herself on the line last episode as PM, because a food challenge is up her alley yet again and she'd probably get stuck with this. In hindsight going as PM that week was a great move because with things as tense as they were between Geraldo and Jonas brother, it was inevitable it would bleed into their task and affect their performance regardless if a blind and deaf duck was PM of the ladies. Can you believe she won because of some other problem that had absolutely nothing to do with her, it's just amazing. Like I said, she's like a walking box of Lucky Charms. The stars all align perfectly every single time and she just whisks on through without a scratch.

Once again almost everyone is reluctant to go for PM, on both teams. I don't remember ever seeing this much reluctance before. Vivica and Terrell step up.

This product looks like the sort of stuff yuppies buy in Whole Foods for 8.99 a pop and then later feel obligated to declare it tastes good and they're not an idiot for forking over that kind of money for cardboard. The ladies are the worst. They're all talking at once about ideas, and most of the ideas are mediocre.

Finally Leeza is the one who, yet again, has to pretty much come up with the theme for their bistro, but somehow Vivica makes it seem like it was all her idea. As entertainment they're going to do sort of different scenes, like a coach and athlete. A lot of them have parts, but not Kate, who is completely left out of that and barely says a thing this whole time.

Why is Geraldo making fun of my boyfriend? Geraldo is still being disruptive and kind of a dick to everyone, which I don't understand since his nemesis is gone now and he has no one left actively trying to sabotage him. Terrell's strategy to handle Geraldo is to just cut him loose let him fly no speed limits no traffic lights. That's fine, it's not like he can be stopped anyway. Plus Terrell is not smart enough to know how to handle him even if he wanted to.

Ohhhh, time-lapse mixed in with slow motion. Now it's getting creative.

The women are in the car. Kate is being oh so helpful on this project by calling some mystery person and letting them know that Vivica's phone is not working so if they need to reach Vivica call any of the other phones. Lol.

Shawn is PMSing, she's having a bad period. See the thing is, one of my good friends has endometriosis, and she says it can be really horrific at times. At the same time, she still went to class when we were in college together and she still goes to work today and she just gets on with life. Color me rather surprised Shawn, who had the drive of an Olympian at one time, could be sidelined by Aunt Flo, even a grumpy version of her.  Shawn's eyelashes look like the kind of plastic things you paste on baby dolls.

Wow, Vivica doesn't have the slightest sympathy for this stuff. She's basically like, NOTED! Get a pain pill and move on! Ha.

The men are tasting their dishes and Gilbert is puttering around being funny by putting ceramic bowls on his head. Kate and her minion Shawn head out to get props while the rest of the women taste the food. I think it's funny that a woman who is actually a cookbook author isn't allowed to taste test. After that taco-enchilada disaster, that's wise. I like Vivica already.

Kate and her minion are in some kind of Crate and Barrel type store wandering around touching everything turning things over like they're creating a wedding registry together. Kate wants to know if Shawn likes these dishes or those ones. Haha, Shawn's expression is just like that of your fiancé's when you did this together. Like, I don't see the difference? Whatever you want, babe?

The men are all supposed to be writing their own scripts for their dishes but somehow Gilbert missed that memo. He's just standing over there kind of cringing like he always does. Terrell's like hello there, you with us? Don't forget to write your script! Poor Gilbert.

Ha, Ian is hoping to God whatever Gilbert finally comes up with when he has to present is funny and suitable for the crowd.

Vivica calls Kate, wanting to know where the hell she is. I like Vivica's style, she cuts straight to the chase. We're running out of time, you two need to be here at 5:45. Got it? Kate replies, okay no worries see you at 6:45. Lol. Kate's doing that confused expression again like she's not understanding what Vivica is saying. Vivica....wants....you.....to....haul.....ass.....back. Get....it? This is the only time Vivica sort of lost it, Vivica explains.

These editors! As Kate promises Vivica up and down she and her minion are not wasting a second, they cut to a shot of the two of those dodo birds just sort of staring mindlessly at their phones, probably tweeting Milo and such, kicking back in the car. Haha.

The men rehearse their scripts. I have to say the men are all trying their best to help poor Gilbert, who still seems dazed by this task. I think Gilbert is just an improv guy, he doesn't even seem to understand the concept of a script. He doesn't operate in a way that's too rehearsed, that's not what improv is. Geraldo gives him ideas for talking about his kids somehow, maybe how they bug him for icecream but he gives them this? Gilbert says the sensible thing, it's all well and good you want me to talk about my kids but I don't understand, they've never tried this product! Well, he has a good point, lol.

Kate and her minion finally get back to the ladies with a motherload of crap.

It's great to have a lot of nice props but they are useless to you if you don't have time to unpack them all and get them all set up. The ladies are running around like crazy trying to get these props all sorted. Vivica correctly blames this mad dash all on Kate and Shawn, who spent six hours shopping. Six hours!!! What?! Some of this stuff seems silly, too. Really, a cutting board in the shape of the heart? Meh. That's so Kate, too. At almost 40 years old the extent of her creativity when it comes to being "cute" is buying things in the shape of hearts. Vivica's first mistake was to give Kate a card attached to someone else's account. Oh crap, Kenya says they didn't have time to rehearse. That's bad. Good job, Kate, the big f-up on the task once again is thanks to you.

It's time for the men's presentation, and it goes pretty smooth. Creamy and delicious please, Lorenzo Lamas. The men have a lot of beautiful props too but I guess the shopping fairies got it for them. Either that or their shopping trip was just a normal shopping trip, super boring and without drama. Why didn't Terrell send Gilbert out shopping?

Everything is going great until Gilbert gets up there. He's making sex jokes while the executives are trying to eat icecream pops. Ew. Why does Gilbert have to talk anyway? If it wasn't working out, Terrell should have put him on some other duty, anything but public speaking. I don't think Gilbert was feeling this product, and as any comedian will say, it really helps to believe what you're talking about to be funny.

Leeza's presenting again, which I have absolutely no problem with. As far as I'm concerned they'd be idiots not to have Leeza presenting each and every time a presenter is called for until Leeza is sent home or wins. Their slogan is Luvo, love yourself one bite at a time. Ew, why does it feel like almost every thing these teams do comes with some kind of weird sexual innuendo?

I'm not really understanding the little skits the women are doing but they are introducing the food okay.

Back in the kitchen, Shawn screwed up the timing of micorwaving the food. Wow, Shawn is a real dud. I think this is the first time I've seen an Olympian perform this terribly on a reality show. Poor Vivica has to go out there and awkwardly work the crowd while the food cooks. I am without a shadow of a doubt convinced that the editors hate Kate. It's not my imagination. As Vivica explains how much the girls back in the kitchen are screwing up the orders, not knowing what is going out, messing up the timing, and are overall befuddled, the camera holds right on Kate's face, looking like a dolt. Lol.

None of this kitchen stuff was shown for the men. It almost feels like two different tasks the way we never saw them shop or cook. Kenya's over it, she snaps a tray away from Jamie and says some snide remark to her that's not important to the story. Jamie's mad.

Kenya's like whatever, sorry.

Jamie won't accept her apology which wasn't sincere. I don't mind that. An apology should be sincere to be accepted, and it's nice to see Jamie has a line you best not cross with her. What's up with Kenya anyway? Haven't you seen Oprah, Jamie demands? Lol, what? Whatever, she's sweet. I like that Kenya thought she could push Jamie around for whatever her reasons, but Jamie wouldn't let her. Finally.

I already know the outcome from reading the comments, but based on this I cannot believe the women won this. They screwed up so much and their whole presentation was silly. It seems like the only really big faux pas for the men was Gilbert crashing, but I would think that one thing could be forgiven for all these mistakes by the women.

All right, let's hit the final boardroom of the night. I'm exhausted and I don't even have eight kids.

Terrell feels they won because they met the criteria. Has Steve been moonlighting coaching this dud too? That feels like a conflict of interest.

Trump asks Vivica if she would like to replace a teammate with Geraldo. Oh, a twist! And this is not necessarily a hypothetical, Trump will freaking do it if he feels the calling. Please pick Kate please pick Kate. Even the editors are rooting with us, as they cut to a close up of none other than KATE. Lol. But alas Vivica picks Shawn. That's okay, Shawn freaking sucks. I don't think she looks that healthy either for an ex-Olympian. This is complete speculation on my part, but I wonder if she's going through a rough transition period where you are too old to compete anymore, and as every year passes less and less people remember you. From what I've heard time and time again, this is an incredibly difficult transition for someone who made it that far up the athletic food chain. It wouldn't be unusual to feel sort of checked out about life. Heck, maybe it embarrasses her a bit this is the only show really left for her. I can't believe Vivica told Trump about Shawn's period problems, lol.  That's like against the women's code or something. Kate defends her minion because she only has these two minions and this cannot be happening, she cannot lose Shawn. Vivica gives a specific example of Shawn checking out and Kenya jumps in too.

I think it's easy to say that a period should not take you down if you have never had a particularly horrific period. My gut reaction is to say a period should not take you down, and that seems to be the gut reaction of the women's team. But a part of me says to keep an open mind, because all our bodies are different and our cycles are all our unique cycles. I guess at the end of the day I feel like if Shawn was healthy enough to be on her feet shopping for six hours, then she was healthy enough not to complain about her period. If she needs to be in bed or at the doctor's office, then maybe it should be a problem that would excuse her.

Jamie calls out Kenya as rude and mean, and I'm proud of her for standing up for herself finally in the board room. Kenya misuses the word "quip" to mean "snapped." Dummy.

The executives loved Leeza of course, she is a legend after all, and the message was good, but they sucked at execution. As far as the men, they liked the pacing and the personality in their presentations. But their slogans were off and as expected they thought Gilbert was terrible. This feels like closer to a draw with both having strengths and weaknesses but they arbitrarily pick the women to win.

Unlike Kate who described her charity as handicapped children, Vivica describes her charity as children with special needs.

Oh, wow, I'm not at all surprised Shawn is pissed as all get out that Vivica told Trump about her period problems. On the one hand, you don't ever do that. On the other hand, Shawn shouldn't have told the women about this, and the cameras, if she didn't want it spread around.  You told four million people, Shawn.

Gilbert doesn't seem to understand why an off color joke didn't work here. I totally get where he is coming from, a comedian can't be getting their panties in a wad paranoid about offending people or they will never get up there. But then it's not going to work on a task like this. This thing was just all wrong for his style. He's in trouble.

The executives didn't like the men's slogan at all. Eh, slogans after awhile all start sounding the same to me, Gilbert says. That's true pretty much.

For sort of being on the sidelines all the time, the crab fisherman never seems to be on the chopping block. No one ever talks about him. Well, at least Terrell gets credit for picking exactly who he should, Geraldo, who is still being a disruptive ass, and Gilbert, whose humor didn't fly. The worst boardroom mistake you can make on this show is bringing back the wrong folks. What, is Geraldo going to go into all these boardrooms? That's just going to make him cockier every time he makes it out.

Trump says even if Terrell goes he has done a great job. Really? On the first task he raised only $750 and what's more lied about it, and after that his team lost the next two tasks. Okay then. Trump slobbers over the oddest contestants.

Well talk about doing some armchair psychology here. Geraldo says his whole life has been a competition. I find that a bizarre and unhealthy outlook on life. If you see life as one big competition (incidentally, much in the way I believe Kate sees life) no wonder you're so paranoid, obsessive, and driven to a fault.  No wonder you are, dare I speculate, ultimately unhappy. How can being in an endless game of you versus the world make you happy? You need a rest now and again, and collaboration with others.

Maybe consider life less of a competition or fixed pie and more of a un-fixed pie where there are plenty of endless slices to go around. Every time you reach for a slice there's another to replace it. An endless conveyor belt of chocolates free for the taking just like for Lucy and Ethel, as long as you're willing to try to work for it and gather what you can. Watch how it changes your whole attitude. I think we should drink every time Geraldo name drops the dangerous places he has been.

Geraldo has more issues than can be worked out in one little recap. We'll have to save that for another time. At the end of the day Gilbert's mistake was just too much for Trump and he lets him go. Gilbert, you're fired. Aw, goodbye Gilbert. I will probably never like your style of humor but you have proven yourself to be a nice guy with a good heart, not overly smart but certainly not stupid by any means like most of the rest of these dumb clucks, a people pleaser with absolutely no ego, and not an unkind bone in your body, which I did not know but for this show. Which is a big reason why this show is great and deserves a bit more credit than it sometimes gets. See you next time.