Recap: 'Florida Fun.' Fla-rida NOT very fun.

Coming up on Kate Plus 8. Kate loves to deep sea fish. Does she deep sea fish a lot in the creeks and rivers of PA? I only remember one other time she tried this sport. She's totally one of those fake people who did something posh once only because they had a Groupon--like golf, or fencing, or Ethiopian food, and then later claims to just love it so much that it's a lifestyle for them. She is hopeful maybe this time the kids won't puke, but not really, because she's counting on that as a major plot line.

Kate doesn't do waterparks, because parenting is only about engaging in activities that you would independently schedule for yourself even if you were childless.

This year, their summer family vacation is in Fla-rida. Next up is a sand castle lesson. That sounds like fun. Obviously most people know how to build a simple sand castle, but I'd be interested in learning about the finer points of architecture for the really elaborate castles adults make.

Who are these instructors teaching them? They never explain. Mady quickly loses interest in all this, explaining it was just too hot that day to want to participate. This is sadly getting boring fast, likely because it's running way too long and I can already hear Betty White quipping about having to watch other people's vacation videos. The kids build some towers and the instructors show them different ways to make stairs and blocks on the towers like with spray bottles and what looks like butter knives.

Kate thinks the kids were hesitant to get involved in this project without her, Kate. Lol, what?! The kids are all really into it just fine, I don't think Kate is even a thought in their minds. What a narcissist. Where is Kate, anyway? Cigarette break? No wonder it's been so quiet and stress-free and boring.  Kate finally reappears to take an iPhone photo of their finished castle. A picture she won't think to post on Twitter because why post anything interesting on her social media feed?

Commercials.

No, not another thing Kate "typically" does. Gaaa! I'm typicallied out. Just once I'd like to see Kate introduce a segment by saying,  "now just to mix it up we're going to do something a-typical." Typically on vacation they plan some messy activity, this time it will be tie-dye. Kate honestly doesn't know where she got the idea back in the day to have a pudding war. Will it refresh her recollection if I suggest to her production thought of it? Mady spends a really long time explaining they have done tie-dye before. Bless her heart, she explains things just like her mother. How did they get all this tie-dyed stuff on the airplane, or did Kate find time to swing by Michael's while they were building sand castles to get all this, plus pick up some of those huge canopy tents you always see on movie sets? Heh.

The kids more or less seem to enjoy the activity. The producer sounds like he'd rather have a nap right now as he asks Kate if Kate likes to follow instructions or wing it. Does anyone care whether Kate prefers instructions or winging it? Does anyone care what anyone prefers as to this incredibly mind-numbing topic? That sounds more like a stupid interview question for a tech start-up and your answer is the difference between the offer or the boot, which is dumb. This segment is, mercifully, pretty short, more than likely because no big drama happened. I almost feel a tiny bit sorry for the editors trying to find usable footage to fill up an entire hour. Sounds like quite the task.

Next up, and this will later prove to be a very important moment so listen up! Hehe. Kate says, who is going fishing, and who is going to stay behind and clean the house with their nanny? So yes, as Kate later tweeted, she did give the poor vomiting children a choice whether they would like to vomit. And that choice was: hard labor or vomiting.

I can see a kid debating the finer point of this one in his head. Well, I know I probably am going to vomit because I've vomited on boats before, but maybe I will only vomit once or twice and the rest of the time I will have fun. I sure don't want to clean on vacation, so I guess I'll take my chances on the vomiting.

The only fair choice is to give the kids who stay behind an equally fun activity, period.

Why do they have to clean the house anyway? If you just tidy up as you go there shouldn't be much to clean, and it's completely unnecessary to clean this as you would your own home unless that's required as part of your rental. I can't imagine a nice house rental like this doesn't charge a cleaning fee to take care of that for you at the end of your stay. As long as you don't trash the place, you're fine. Sigh.

I see too she's one of those parents who lures the nanny along on a wonderful all-expense paid trip to Florida, only to leave them home to mop while you all get to have the fun. They're such joys.

I think it's funny in a random way and at times somewhat offensive when people pull out a Southern accent for no particular reason, which Kate suddenly does when she says she's gonna catch the biggest fish. Lol.

Cara tries to explain to Kate it's likely the children are going to be puking, so thanks but no thanks. It sounds like she mostly doesn't want to go not because she has an objection to deep sea fishing but because she just doesn't want to watch children vomit. Who would, sheesh. Aaden is looking at something toward the ceiling near Hannah, and is getting rather close to her personal space, seemingly unaware she is there. Hannah appears to smash her foot into Aaden's in bitter retaliation, to which he yelps in obvious pain. This goes unchecked, of course. She could have tried "excuse me, Aaden, you're in my personal space" first before physical assault.

The three older girls and Hannah wisely stay behind to do hard labor.

A minor point I haven't seen anyone mention. Kate says she was thrilled she got at least five of the kids to join her. It was probably obvious to the children right then this made her happy. Another reason this was not a "choice" for the children, or an impossible one anyway. Stay behind and disappoint Mommy or at least see her indifferent, or make Mommy "thrilled." If they didn't get the message then they will get it now after watching this episode, and it will affect future "choices" she offers to them. The deck was stacked against them before the "choice" was ever even presented. The system is rigged.

I do have a genuine little laugh when Kate says to one of the girls, who is whining about something or other, I'll give you a piece of gum but be quiet. A rare truly funny moment frazzled parents may relate to.

Haha, Kate can't really explain why she likes fishing when asked. How could she, she's done it once, twice? I think someone hit the nail on the head in that she just likes this because she likes the attention from the men on the boat. Doesn't matter if it's fishing for tuna in the Atlantic or fishing a spider out of a kiddie pool. The activity itself is not what interests her, it's the attention. She finally comes up with some weak answer about how blah blah she likes open water. So did they.

In any case, deep sea fishing seems like such a ridiculous sport from someone who lives in such a landlocked area to take up unless they really have the time and means to sustain such a sport (and I know some do, and that's great for them). The reality is it's prohibitively expensive not only to charter your own a boat but to even get to locations you can do fishing like this in the first place. What a silly hobby for someone like her with eight kids to raise. If she's really sincere about this fishing thing why not take up something like fly fishing? I've heard there are some wonderful spots in PA's rivers for that. She could even get the kids into it and no one would vomit. 

Dolphins, a pirate ship. Choppy water. Green kids. Some of the kids are catching a few fish and are proud of themselves. Notably Leah says they have done deep sea fishing before in North Carolina (a previous episode as you recall) and "it wasn't very fun." Sigh. 

Kate proves how selfish she is by saying she's sad the kids just don't take to the ocean because she loves it. That's wonderful for you. But your kids don't.  So why do you keep on insisting on doing this to them? There are just so many other fun activities you could do with kids in Florida.

Back at the ranch, why are the girls not doing hard labor? Wth! 

Instead they're planning to make a fun dinner. They suggest veggie pizza. Add a hearty mixed salad and that sounds delicious. Their nanny sure is a barrel of laughs. Just kidding, she's totally checked out, like hello-anyone-home checked out. 

Mady is getting into a sassy argument with her nanny about whether the meal they are planning has to include meat. While I don't like the way Mady is copping an attitude with her nanny (any good nanny wouldn't tolerate such nonsense for a second), I do have to say Mady is right. The girls can cook a great, healthy, filling meal for the family without including meat. I will say this though, the nanny may be worried more about Kate, since there's a good chance Kate might come home to a vegetarian meal and be mad at the nanny for allowing this. So I'm tempted to give Andrea the benefit of the doubt on this one.

A long discussion about who is good at cooking and other boring stuff. They're filling a lot of time by having Mady read the whole shopping list. These poor editors, they're trying so hard. 

Back at the boat, Kate's got something on her hook reeling it in like a boss, and this time it's not her ex-husband.  She's having the time of her life, smiling like a goon, while her kids sit dejectedly behind her, growing greener by the minute.

She can't just quit while she's ahead. They've already caught some great fish. Instead they decide to push farther out, where the waves are much worse.

I won't belabor this part too much other than to say Aaden eventually gets sick to his stomach, and there's a lot of puking. Kate actually tells them this is all mind over matter. Okay, Tom Cruise. 

Kate lists all the things she brought to help with this, like ginger ail and towels, not one of which includes medication for seasickness. She also admits she doesn't suffer from seasickness so what does she know. Right, that's my point. What a doofus. 

The girls are making lasagna. They go on some tangent about present wrapping. Yawn. It's good for teenagers to bring a friend. Yes, genius.

Kate's back on the pole. The fishing one that is. And there goes Leah. Kate keeps reeling as she watches her puke, feigning concern. She later goes into a long explanation about why she didn't go help her that doesn't make much sense. But I do notice as she reels Kate's hair is getting precariously close to the reel and I imagine how hilarious it would be if it got tangled up in there. Bitch got tangled! Alexis is now in tears. Aw.

A producer asks Leah when she started to feel sick. Um, what the heck does that matter? What a creepy intrusive question. Leah rolls her eyes and says she doesn't want to talk about this, and good for her. Jesus, I approve of that eye roll. I can't wait until they don't want to talk about anything much less their vomiting habits.

Kate finally, finally, calls it a day when Alexis tells her they all want to go home except Kate. Poor things. Kate the martyr says she had to call it a day because sometimes moms have to do that. Um, what does being a mom have to do with making compromises for your loved ones? That's what any decent person would do much less a mom when everyone else around them is vomiting. And good Lord, a good mom never would have taken the kids on this trip in the first place, or would have gotten them strong sea sickness medication, or would have turned around much sooner, well before the point where the children were suffering. I cannot believe after all this she still has hope they can get back on a boat together someday. No! Stop it! My God. On a positive note, this little stunt prompted a big sheeple fleecing like we haven't seen in years, so. Lol. 

The lasagna the girls made looks great and they all came home to a yummy dinner. Kate actually with a straight face acts like she never, or rarely, has had someone wait on her with dinner ready when she gets home and that it's so nice. Mady is pretty proud of this dish and the fact that it's vegetarian. I wish she had more constructive activities like this to harness her energy. Most of the kids really loved it, aw.

Commercials. We're back, and Kate doesn't enjoy water parks and therefore they've never gone. Uh huh. She really doesn't see the irony there to the deep sea fishing trip they just did.  Amazing. 

We watch a family we've never met go to a water park. Betty White, where are you? Pass the rumspringa!! Mady doesn't want to be here. Mady doesn't want to be much of anywhere apparently. 

Kate is worried about the inability to control eight kids at a water park. How do school groups do it? Hannah gives her huge lip about Kate wanting them to stay in the same group, which I understand is a real drag, but like Andrea said I'm not sure how else they're going to supervise them. There are great things about having a lot of siblings and some down sides, and they're eleven now and are really going to have to grow up about some of the downsides and just deal with it.

Kate practically humps this inner tube in the shape of an eight, she loves it so much. I don't know if I would see that so much as an "eight" inner tube as opposed to just a double circle one. Only thing better would be an inner tube in the shape of a dollar sign, eh? 

This episode is an hour and three minutes? That extra three minutes is not fair!

Mady sucked it up and admitted she had fun. Well that's good.

The kids really want Kate to join in, which of course they don't show them really saying (they never show the kids saying half the things Kate says they do) but Kate doesn't want to do much because she's.....afraid of losing her top????

What?!

Awkward. Anyway Kate finally agrees to do the lazy river which I know is much more fun to actually be in than to watch strangers and their kids go on. Hey, I once recovered and returned someone's lost waterproof camera I found in the lazy river. I am a lazy river hero. Oh god, the only thing that could make this worse is if Kate starts to talk in a string of up-tilt questions.....and there she blows.

The kids now every day ask to go back to the water park. Every day? Wow. Do the kids have any concept of how much it costs to take eight kids to a waterpark? They are old enough to be made aware of such things and to not make such demands daily. Geez. I'm just thinking, if you're so afraid of losing your top at the waterpark, why not just wear a one piece? The Lord helps those who helps themselves. 

Commercials. TLC really is peddling the Duggars hard. Apparently in 2015 "cancelled" means more like "cancelled only until most viewers forget whatever the scandal of the month was that caused us to cancel it."

We're back and at some place called Gator Beach where we will do a redux of Alexis handling an alligator. If there's one thing quite noticeable about this episode is there was no theme or direction, no "storyline." It's just a bunch of random activities stitched together into 63 minutes in the hopes that at least a few of them will cause some drama. Who even knows if any of these activities occurred in the order they show them. What it has done is made this trip seem very jam packed and whirlwind. On vacation I just want to relax sometimes. I feel sorry for Alexis in that she acts like she thinks the man running the alligator show actually chose her from the crowd randomly. Kate is sneering from the sidelines trying to act concerned for what she is doing, which is of course completely safe and benign. Later they all taunt some small alligators with food on a pole. Gross, I hate such places. I can't believe Kate says Alexis enjoyed her "alder-gaters." She hasn't said it like that in like eight years, just stop it.

Not another packing segment. The only highlight is the epic eyeroll Hannah gives Kate, heh. Parting is such sweet sorrow, Juliet opines. 

To make the episode stretchhhhhh to fit the time they now show us a bunch of "recap" clips from this episode. Lol, that's too much. 

Every year is one less year Kate has with her children? That sounds terribly morbid. I've definitely heard kids grow up too fast, but never quite heard it put that way. 

Next time, antiquing and then someone will get chopped!