Recap: Kate Plus 8 "Six Teenagers!": Glitter and sawdust and an awesome gender-specific party that Mother will never leave

The Duggars have the patience of Job, I'll give them that. It's incredible the way JimBoob has gradually eased himself back into the show over the years, with the promos for next week prominently featuring him at yet another wedding. Nobody will notice the family actually got fired, right?

Coming up on Kate Plus 8. Well, this party looks reasonably cool, with camping, mani-pedi's for the girls, archery tag, and the return of some yesteryear characters in Ashley, Jamie and Steve.

The thing is, kids don't need fancy ski trips, lavish parties, private lessons in whatever, or to get on a plane and go somewhere where the humidity is 90% and it's off season so the Air B&B mansion is half off. Rather, kids just want to blow up an air mattress and sleep in their own back yard. I'm glad they finally get to experience something cost effective and normal on their special day.

Kate has dreaded age 13 since they were born, Kate says. Well, that's a rather negative outlook on a rather wonderful age. Need we say more, she asks?

Pretty please do not say more.

But, of course, we're not getting off that easy. She will say more. A lot more. Kate struggles with party ideas, and to top last year's birthday every year. Not only is this woman in a competition with everyone else, but for goodness sake she's even in competition with last year's Kate. Sheesh. Her kids can speak now, and have minds of their own. Why not ask them what they want to do for their birthday. That will take a lot of burden off you to think of something. You'd be surprised how much a teen knows exactly what they want for their birthday.

Between Aaden and Mady and Kate, and producers of course, they came up with the idea to do a camping birthday, with the boys camping and the girls "glamping."

Sounds like an excuse to do a huge shopping spree at REI to me!

Lol, why make something easy. Kate has to remove an entire giant swing set in order to have room for one of the tents. The kids are bummed about this. At least she's not just dumping it into the dumpster, she's going to give it to a friend. That's nice. I actually remember when we removed the swing set at our house when I was a teen and I did find it surprisingly sad, even though like these kids, I hadn't used it in years. I remember us kids protesting, and our parents calmly reasoning with us that we never use it, and it will make caring for the lawn easier and provide more room for things we do more of now, like kicking a soccer ball around. Every kid should grow up with a swing set, and then have to watch it go when they are a teen. It's a right of passage and actually, a life lesson.

No one consulted Mady about this, Mady protests. And that's another reason that seemingly little things like removing a swing set are good for kids to see. I guess these kids are an exception since they do pay their way, but, for most kids, it's a life lesson in that it wasn't really your swing set, it's your parents' set to decide what to do with it, and it's not really your lawn, you aren't paying the property taxes and mortgage or doing the lawn upkeep. In life, many things that don't really belong to you will be taken away by someone else it does belong to making the decision. And if you don't like that, you need to work hard to get your own property someday so you can make your own decisions about swing sets. And also, it's good to teach kids that it's okay to let something go that was special to you, move on and let other children enjoy it, and just have the memories. Kate is too busy actively trying to teach her children things to notice that she just did so without trying.

We go on some long unrelated tangent complete with flashbacks about which sibling is which's favorite. Weird, divisive question and who cares?

Some guys who apparently don't want their business associated with Kate (their shirts are blurred out) set up the tents. Heh.

Some intern had fun with the drone getting a nice high speed shot of the house from above. It really is a sprawling property, with impeccable landscaping. I would do so much more with the outdoor space though. All they've got is a "meh" pool, and that deck fit for preachers and gays alike. I'd do an expansive outdoor space with an outdoor TV for watching sports, built in grill area with a sink and fridge, a bar, and lots of kinds of plush seating to choose from. A ping-pong table, corn hole, and other outdoor games are a must, and these kids would have everybody over at their house all the time. Seeing it now from above, the deck doesn't really serve much of a purpose. You have plenty of room at ground level to house all the same furniture across a much bigger area, instead of crammed onto a small deck. I don't get the point of the deck at all. The only thing I remember Kate saying about it is that she was tired of carrying things from the kitchen upstairs, I guess, to the original patio area downstairs. Well, that's a poor layout of a house then, and something you should have thought of upon purchase. Also, that doesn't seem like a good enough reason to create a smaller outdoor area when you could use the huge area downstairs and make it up really nice.

Jamie's back again. They must have come to terms on her contract because she was gone for awhile prior to these past few episodes. The boys' tent is going to be deep in the woods, which is cool, but kind of strange how isolated they are back in the woods when the girls are right near the house. The kids are arranging a cool fire pit, which should have been done years ago, but better late than never.

It's kind of nice the girls come to help the boys set up their stuff, though they seem to only be doing it to have an opportunity to boss them around, and the boys don't really appreciate much of it. Aaden is in that stage of his voice changing where he mostly just sounds stuffed up. Heh.

Kate's already called it quits even though I haven't seen her helping with much anything, announcing exhaustedly this is the last big birthday party she's doing for them. Good, she should butt out for once and let them go off with their friends for their birthday or heaven forbid have Jon host the party one year.

The day of the party is here, and Kate has a million and a half excuses why she had to do everything last minute (i.e. why she intentionally creates drama for the cameras). Funny thing is as she says this she and Jamie are doing things that absolutely could have been done ahead of time, like putting a pillowcase on a pillow. It's really a good thing she is not someone's regular employee because she would be a pain in the neck.

Wow, we're getting a knock in at her parents and childhood early this episode. We're only 16 minutes in and this is the party Kate always wanted as a kid but never had. I'm really, really sorry to her parents they have to continue to hear spiteful comments like this from their daughter on such a public platform. I'm betting her parents did the best they could with what they had, did not value spending money as the only way to show a child love as Kate does, and I hope, hope they know that for the vast majority of adults, a good childhood does not mean an over-the-top, lavish, expensive birthday party. If all they threw for their children were modest birthday parties here and there over the years, they did nothing wrong. Many families can't afford to throw parties at all, other than just inviting family and a few friends over for cake and ice-cream. It's expensive to throw a big party with a bunch of kids every year. Kreiders, ya got dealt a nasty kid here who is in the minority, not the majority, when reflecting on what makes a great childhood, okay?

Kate and Jamie are assembling things. Kate argues with everyone, even the instructions, yelling at the instructions and Jamie that clockwise, counterclockwise, it doesn't matter.

Jamie is like, eh, it probably does matter. (It probably does!). But Jamie was never one to push her until absolutely necessary.

Steve is our "Head of Security" Kate says with a straight face as he shuttles her around the property and does shit for her more like a personal assistant would do than a bodyguard on the roof watching for snipers.

I just spit my orange juice. Head of security?! Lol. Like there's an entire secret service in place for these has-beens. And for head of security, he sure hasn't taught her well, as just the other day she was encouraging fans to approach her and talk to her in The Cheesecake Factory. Not very wise to invite such close access to total strangers.

More like Head of Dolts, chief head! Steve is usually behind the scenes, explains Kate. Ha, he sure is!

I guess this is part of the slow master plan to ease Steve into the picture. A long conversation about a compass and setting up a scavenger hunt for the party. There is something about how he is talking here that rubs me the wrong way. He's so matter-of-fact, direct, and rings rather arrogant. Nothing is thought through because he already instantly knows the answer. He seems like the kind of husband who never asks for directions, always decides what the plan will be for the family without caring what anybody else thinks, and never lets you touch the credit cards. In other words, an ass. I never liked anything about Steve, unlike friends like Ashley and Jamie, who seem okay to even really cool sometimes.

This also seems like something that could be mostly set up the day before. They're like an old dysfunctional married couple, with Steve making a-hole comments to Kate like she should go back to the house to be safe, and that she's disorganized. I don't like someone like this. I know it's Kate, and she's annoying as hell, but it doesn't mean you get a free pass to be an asshat to her.

Steve says, interestingly enough, that a lot of people don't tell her things, but he tells her the truth. If she's wrong, he tells her. I'm not at all surprised people don't want to offend Kate, because when you do, you usually get cut off from the children. Doesn't seem like Steve would care much if that ever happened. But again, Steve sounds like an ass. Yes, of course you should tell someone the truth about themselves. Prince William said years ago he can't stand lackey friends, and only surrounds himself with people who are willing to call him out. Otherwise he fears he'll go haywire. But, the way Steve says it, he makes it sound like he's always right and Kate's always wrong, and thank goodness he is around to save her from herself. I can't believe Kate puts up with this condescending crap. I'd fire this guy within a day if only for the terrible example he's setting for the kids.

Mady is working on the girls glamping area, and it's really nice, with lots of pinks and whites and comfortable seating. Cara is nowhere to be found. Maybe she is doing what normal kids do on the weekend, go play sports, hang with friends, off at a music lesson, upstairs doing homework.

The archery tag people arrive in an absolutely gigantic vehicle. Yeesh! This party is really starting to $$$$$$$$$$. Also this is a good excuse to kill time showing a bunch of flashbacks to archery tag. Aw, the kids are absolutely thrilled about this.

Boys vs. girls, Kate announces immediately. Good golly, enough already!!

The kids are conforming to the usual gender stereotypes, with the girls wanting a prissy glamping experience and the boys a more rugged, GI-Joe like party. They are this bound to their gender stereotypes because they are being raised by a mother who adheres to strict gender stereotypes. On the one hand, this rigid adherence to typical gender roles is beyond antiquated, and is the kind of thinking that eventually makes some children uncomfortable to be who they really are. I'm not implying gay necessarily, but just non-conformist or just not into things like nails and dressing up (perhaps, Alexis). On the other hand, there is a lot of pressure on parents lately to do away with gender roles and raise kids homogeneously or nearly so, and in my view, that is really crossing a line into parental rights that people have no right to interfere with. We say a lot about Kate's bad parenting here, but I think the only thing she should be legally forced to do is not abuse her children and get her kids off T.V. Otherwise, if a parent like Kate, possibly in large part due to religion, or for other reasons, wants to raise a boy or girl in a certain way based solely on their genitals, that is their right to do so and they should not feel pressured or shamed by social constructionists for doing so.

Ashley's back, wearing an awesome Johnny Cash shirt. Ashley is going to take on the drudgery of sticking with the boys for the party. Poor thing. It looks like for much of the party the girls and boys will be separated. Wouldn't a good mother want to help out with both parties? It's so sad she sticks Ashley on doing the bulk of the work with the boys, instead of switching off so she spends equal time at both parties. If she thinks her boys don't notice this, she's mistaken.

I don't see Kate doing much work herself, but she sure can delegate the work to everybody else. She is manipulative and everybody falls for it for some reason. Or maybe the only people who fall for it are the ones willing to stick around.

The party begins, with a few friends arriving. I don't think this is going to be a big blowout with dozens of kids, but it's okay, smaller parties are okay too. I've always wondered if the reason they never seem to have endless friends is because a lot of families won't agree to filming, and that would be sad.

Mady is being really great as she helps out with the girls party. I saw shades of Mady's kindness when she was a tyke, along with a flash of temper, too. But when she's regulating herself, she is a kind, cool big sister. She helps organize the mani pedis and the crafts and the girly girls love it.

Oh, their hair stylist hanger-on Ronnie and main beard is here, lugging around water like a regular cabana boy. He sure is their toy, isn't he?

Andrea is here now too. I think this is the same Andrea nanny, or is it? She seems to be incredibly close to Ashley. I'm so lost, are they sisters, BFFs? I had no idea there was a connection between Andrea and Ashley.

The boys and their three or four-odd friends start a scavenger hunt with the A's. They're so cute with the war paint and camouflage. If they cover them all in paint and never show the boys in the same frame, you'll never notice Collin is gone. Typical teen boy stuff, like daring each other to eat a worm.  Aw, Collin would have loved this.

All the girls can do is complain that the boys are making noise. They're having fun! Geez! The girls are nothing if not obnoxious. Not only do they seem to do everything they can to ruin the boys' fun, but once the boys are actually having fun, they resent it. It's sad the animosity that has built up, mostly on their end. For the boys' part, they seem far less annoyed with their sisters, and were even pointing out earlier how cool Hannah is. Incidentally, Hannah is the one complaining the most about them. I wonder if she felt guilty afterward. Probably not.

Poor Alexis, she admits this is not her thing and she would rather be down with the boys. But her mother, as is her right, has decided her genitals dictate that she will have her toes painted for her birthday, so alas, here we are.

I'd rather be down with the boys too, they're having a blast on their scavenger hunt, using a compass and finding all the clues. "America!" Aaden shouts as he finds a clue. They're so funny. But he forgot, "F--- yeah!"

Kate can only discuss what she heard about the boys' party, as God forbid she would actually help with any of theirs. Kate was shocked to hear (she didn't actually witness it) Joel took the lead on the scavenger hunt, but, it's okay that he doesn't normally take the lead, as that's just a very normal boy thing, Kate remarks. To not take a leadership role? What in the world is she talking about? Okay, her gender stereotypes are out of control. Girls are bossy and boys are just blind dumb followers? Maybe in her family, because she made it so. She's insane. If anything, for many children it's the opposite, with boys easily falling into leadership roles without opposition, and girls having to be encouraged to take on roles of leadership in a society that has for many years discouraged it or at least made it harder to do so. She's lost her mind.

There's Kate over at the girls party of course, doing the only work I've seen her do this entire time, hand out lemonade. I hope the duchess takes a long rest after that, looked taxing.

Well I'll hand it to Steve, the scavenger hunt he allegedly set up is legit. One clue they have to cut out of a tree, another they have to wade into a creek to get it. Kiwis just intuitively know cool bushwhacking stuff to do like this I think.

They have a creek on their property? I never remember seeing this! What a lost opportunity to get a canoe or kayak and have hours and hours of fun every summer. An idyllic childhood is at their fingertips right in their own backyard, and mostly for free.

It's approaching time for food, and you can't take Kate out of Kate. She screams at the girls to come over and find their seats immediately. Why? Why can't they meander over and sit down like a normal party? She's so high strung and ridiculous, there's no way these kids are going to put up with much of her as adults. Naturally the boys are eating their meal totally separate out in the woods, and Aaden has learned what every growing child should learn, that food tastes so much better cooked over an open fire. Unfortunatly, this lesson wasn't thanks to his mom or dad, but his nanny.

The girls are probably doing glitter, the boys say, which is probably true. "You know what man glitter is? Sawdust!" one of their friends says. Heh! I love their friends, too!

Can Kate please stop hovering over the girls during their filet minot meal yammering on? They're 13 for gosh sakes, nobody wants Mommy there! I don't have any problem if she's there for the party, but hang back with your friends and watch, you're not just one of the girls. Sheesh.

I'm scratching my heads a little over the girls party. There are only five girlfriends there, which is less than two friends per girl, and they all fit easily around one table. But the tent is set up more for a party of 20, with several tables, chairs, and tablecloths. Did a bunch of people not show up? Weird. The demographic of their friends is interesting, too. Mostly nerds with glasses. I don't think these girls are all that popular--filming doesn't necessarily make you the toast of the school by any means. But as long as they are nice friends, that's what's important. I'd put money on these boys being far more popular, their friends are definitely the cool guys. And no surprise, as they are kind, easy going and funny, unlike the girls usually.

At least they finally come together for cake and ice cream, though separate cakes. The cake for the girls is double the size of the boys' little cake. Sheesh. The boys' cake is super cool though, in the shape of a campfire. The girls' cake is so pink I couldn't tell you what it's about.

Happy birthday to Collin? Who's Collin??? And what kind of facility doesn't allow a child to have a birthday visit and party? F that. Kate reads her PR statement, she is comforted that Collin is receiving exactly what he needs, and that hasn't changed. Yeah, not much is changing with Collin--he ain't coming home. She admits this is the second birthday without him, and for those not paying close attention, I think that knowledge is going to hit them like a ton of bricks. Second birthday without your son? Woman, get off the camera and get your priorities back out of whack. Outrageous.

It's "bittersweet." What is sweet about your child being gone for over a year? There is nothing sweet about this. They can't do anything without realizing Collin is missing. Eh, Kate seems to be getting along just fine without him, I don't get any sense any of this is painful for her. She only finally said something, and she should, because she opened the barn door and everyone got pissed she never closed the loop on it. Only, this was not the closure everyone was seeking here at all. If anything, her statement only raised more questions, and provided no indication of when the end will be in sight, as people naturally want to know. Dolt.

I'm glad they're coming together again for archery tag. Watch some kids you don't know play archery tag. You guessed it, nothing interesting happens. Why the holy F is Kate playing? God, go away!!! They are not toddlers where it's appropriate to get right in there and play with them. Leave them alone to have fun with their friends and go watch with your adult friends. I cannot remember a single parent my own or my friends ever butting into our parties like this, not at this age. It would be bizarre. I wonder what their friends think of her helicoptering, it has to be annoying.

Pool time, and all the girls can do is complain about the boys, who are doing nothing wrong. Kate says the boys were off the wall. Because they splashed each other a little? Please. The girls bail on the pool, to which I say good riddance. Kate says the most developmentally accurate statement I've ever heard her say, in that at this age they talk a big game about how boys and girls are gross, yet there's this little underpinning of curiosity there, like hmmm. Heh, yep that's thirteen all right.

Nighttime arrives, and Kate is still at their damn party like she's also turning 13. Go away. 

The girls find a spider in their tent, and embrace all their stereotypes reacting dramatically.

Kate goes around to all the girls and hugs and kisses them goodnight. What about the boys, did they get all this fussing? And does this mean she's finally going to leave their party? Go already!

Meanwhile, the boys sneak into the girls tent with bull horns. Lol. Kate goes on about how she had just got them settled into bed and now they're going to be all crazy again. What's the big deal? Let them run around a bit while you go to bed. They're not toddlers, you can close your eyes and leave them be, with a few ground rules (no pool, stay in the tents area), and they'll be fine. She really is a classic helicopter parent, still thinking she has to tuck her toddlers in at night and keep a close eye on them all the time. It's obnoxious and strange. Kate makes some remark about all the girls taking showers and how long it took. I never remember taking a shower at somebody else's house for just a one-night sleepover, that's kind of odd.

Kate says, well, maybe she'll consider another party next year, if she's alive. I don't find that joke funny. Especially in light of the constant advertisement in the corner of this episode for Princess Diana: Tragedy or Treason?, which I guess must be TLC's contribution to the endless stream of documentaries out this summer as we approach the 20th anniversary of Diana's death. Her son Harry turned thirteen weeks after his mum died, and twenty years later is still crushed over losing her. The things Kate jokes about are not funny, and the things she finds no humor in are usually hilarious.

Where we you when Diana died? I vividly remember it was a Saturday night, and like normal kids Prince William's age, I had two or three girlfriends over and we were hanging out, giggling and doing whatever it is teen girls do. We had the T.V. on and watched as the news scrolled by at the bottom, then interrupted the program. I went to tell my mom something bad had happened to Princess Diana, and I remember it seemed like only a few minutes later Peter Jennings showed up to announce she was dead. Even at my age I clearly remember saying, "Oh my gosh the poor boys!"

Twenty years later, after they have broken their silence this year about how they really feel (still crushed) I'm still saying those poor boys. I wish them lots of help, whether it's therapy or some other outlet, so they can finally process so much of which they say now they never did. Their mum would have wanted them to find closure with this and be happy, and I think they know that.

Kate's still out with all the kids, freaking out over a snake they found. For the tenth time for goodness sake go away and leave the kids alone. The boys remark that Alexis was showing off about the snake, picking it up, and she never would have done so if it weren't for their friend Luke. Lol, nice. She need not fear though, for all the tomboys I've known growing up who are straight, me being one of them, they eventually end up in surprisingly stable and healthy relationships with men, and early on. I wonder if it's because while all the other girls were off with girls, we spent a lot of time getting to know boys without the baggage of a romance. Which means our social skills with boys got really good really fast, because we've had a lot of practice. So by the time we were teens we knew what boys are all about while they are still a mystery to other girls. It does not surprise me Lex is apparently one of the first to show an interest in a boy, and I think she will do well with the opposite sex like other tomboys I've known. I would love to see her have something to one-up the other girls for once, like the best boyfriend. Crossing my fingers.

The boys adored the party. That's sweet. It looks like the girls loved it too. All in all it was a great party despite the gender stereotypes and poor Lex really wanting to hang with the boys. I doubt Kate noticed that other than buying all the camping equipment and the archery tag, this was a very economical party--and the kids seemed to love it the best of all their past parties.

Kate takes the time to blah blah on and on about herself and how in five years she's not sure if she'll still be single. The kids are annoyed she is single. Judging by this party, probably because they want to see her off with a boyfriend and out of their damn hair. Sorry, was anyone asking about Kate and her love life? I thought this was about the children's birthday. Also, in five years? She'll still be single.