Recap: Kate Plus Eight "College Bound": The lost episode!

Yes folks, it's a true lost Gosselin episode. What a world. And what a bizarre unfolding of events. College Bound aired October 1 and included the twins and four of the sextuplets. Shortly thereafter, Jon gave an interview saying that he never gave his authorization for the children to film (all of whom were still minors during at least some of the filming) and in fact a judge agreed with him. Jon produced some court orders from 2018 in which a judge ruled that the children cannot film. Documents from the PA Department of Labor showing the request for permits for the children was denied were also released. Because this is so interesting and frankly, juicy, I'm going to repost some of the judge's comments here:

"Based on the limited information available - and in large part because of Mother's and her counsel's repeated failure to provide further information to Father, the guardian ad litem, and the Court - the Court concluded that involvement of the children in filming is not in their best interests....Though several of the children indicate they enjoy filming, one does not and is experiencing physiological symptoms apparently brought on by the general stress of the custodial disputes, and another is in a facility undergoing treatment for mental and emotional issues tied in part to the filming and fame. It is reasonable to be concerned that one or more of the children who currently claim to enjoy filming may at some point suffer negative consequences they cannot foresee now as young teenagers. 

"As the guardian points out, even those children who do not participate in the filming may be negatively affected by the show continuing without them. Indeed, the statements of several of the children to the effect that they need filming to survive, that it is their normal way of life, and that it feels weird not to film, although apparently intended to make filming seem innocuous or positive, raise concerns in the Court's mind as to whether continued filming is healthy for these children. Having a staged second birthday is hardly the normal activity that would occur absent filming....Taken altogether, the Court was faced with limited information, failures by Mother and her counsel to provide more information, real concerns about the mental and emotional effects of filming, and no way to determine whether those concerns are offset by the financial 'benefits of filming. The Court, therefore, concluded filming was not in the children's best interests.

In short order after that, the swiffering began. Like Area 51-level swiffering. The episode disappeared from a variety of its usual platforms, including TLCgo and various on demand services, even though all other episodes of Kate Plus 8 can easily be found. It was a true cover-up. And so hilarious, because once an episode airs, it exists forever. No amount of swiffering can undue the violation of court orders. And they couldn't keep it from me to recap. Thanks to our lovely poster here Ingrid who still had her itunes copy, I was easily able to view it and recap it and document its existence here for when the courts come knocking to throw everybody in jail for this. Much like Virginia and her Santa Claus, this episode exists! No College Bound episode?! Thank God! it lives, and it lives forever. A thousand years from now, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now! 

Ha-ha.

And so we begin! Coming up on Kate Plus Four, a boring college tour, a boring summer vacation, and Kate plays victim about Collin and Hannah living with their dad and not her anymore, and burdens all the other children with this dysfunctional emotional baggage best addressed with therapists and other mental health professionals and perhaps a lobotomist. We're in for a narcissistic, parentified treat.

We start off immediately in North Carolina to begin the college tour, and I'm grateful. Remember in the olden days we would have to watch them pack and scream at each other for the first ten minutes? I certainly complained about it enough. The little kids are "obviously" going with them on the college tour trip, Kate says. I don't find that obvious at all. It's obvious to me they wouldn't go. Why do they need to go again? Mady and Cara have always been resentful of the younger kids, and their sentiments are mostly unjustified. But I think it's nice to let a college bound kid enjoy this whole process, and that includes leaving younger siblings who don't want to be there anyway at home, if you can. Kids occasionally need things just for them, and I'm not entirely convinced Kate has made as much of an effort as she should have to give each child in this family individual attention. It's things like this that only serve to deepen the twin's resentment, and I've thought for a long time that Kate creates divisions like this on purpose. Why? Because the more they all hate each other, the less likely they are to unite and gang up against their mother. The sextuplets will have their own college tours later where they will be the stars of the show, they aren't missing anything. They could stay home with family, friends, or Jon. On the several college tours I went to around the East Coast, I never once saw younger siblings there. 

Of course what probably truly happened was the Tups are only along for the filming and drama and Kate wouldn't really have taken them on such a trip under any other scenario. Prove me wrong, Kate.

In typical lazy Kate fashion, she finally got around to organizing a few college tours after Mady and Cara complained that all their friends are touring schools. I'm not surprised their friends are visiting upwards of 20 colleges. That private school is full of rich ambitious kids with rich ambitious parents who can afford trips to visit and application fees to 20 colleges, and it's all hopelessly out of Kate's league and always has been. Like what is this family even doing at that school? Such a waste. Per Jon, Collin is thriving at public school. You're a fool, Kate.

I like how the producers force Kate to address all the nonsense going on here especially with Hannah and Collin missing. Kate practically chokes out, her eyes flickering with scorn, that Hannah chose to not go on the trip and stay back with her dad and she is supportive of this decision. There is so much contempt, insincerity and scorn in her voice and in those narrow eyes I cannot imagine even the dumbest of kids would not pick up on that and feel terrible. Poor Hannah. Sorry, Hannah. Sorry your mother is such a supreme and selfish bitch.

I refuse to recap old clips, you all know this. Moving on.

All the kids young and old seem to agree the twins won't miss their siblings once they're in school. That's sad. I missed my family when I was at college and so did my friends. We all had photos of mom and dad and siblings in our dorms while still enjoying college life and not wallowing in it. They're not ten anymore and just the irritating kid brothers and sisters, and the twins are not 14 anymore but 18 and adults, and should start behaving with some respect towards others even siblings. Their contemptuous sibling relationships are a failure. On Kate's part.

Kate announces that the twins are underestimating how much they will miss the great Kate, their bless-ed mother and soulmate. Eh, I don't think so. If anything they're overestimating it.

When asked what's most exciting about all this Mady doesn't say I'm excited to meet all new friends, take challenging and interesting classes, obtain a valuable degree that will springboard me into a rewarding career. Nope, rather she says, she is excited about not living at home. Sad.

For some reason they don't show us the first big college they visit. What, UNC didn't want to be part of a reality show? Heh! We skip right to the shitty college we knew they had visited when it happened, Belmont Abbey. We knew this because there was a posting on twitter about it, and nobody here had heard of the place but when we looked it up we discovered, yowser, what a shitty, shitty school. They might as well just say "We're a really good choice for a 'safety school'" in their college application materials. Thankfully neither twin ended up going there, but what a waste of everyone's time to bother. It also makes me think they only visited because somebody knew somebody and they could get clearance to film and it was something to move the plot along, which is pathetic. Indeed this tour seems super VIP. Private, lengthy, with gift bags at the end. That's not usually how tours work. On my college tours, which were all big groups, I remember feeling a bit like I was walking around campus with a used car salesman. They were all nice schools I visited (four, in total. Not 20), but something about trying to sell something always seems to ring too good to be true. I distinctly remember too on my Ithaca College tour, a great school in its own right with too many steps, an upperclassman walked casually by us on his way somewhere and loudly whispered "Don't go here!" Personally I thought that was hilarious. The parents, not so much. Anyway, not so VIP.

The twins have got to develop much better handshakes to be taken seriously. The limp little insecure thing they got going on is embarrassing. This is the sort of real world stuff a kid serious about making it in the working world needs to learn sooner rather than later, and things a real mother, and father, could help with.

Cara's tentative plan is to do a pre-med track, but she emphasizes this could change and this is just the plan for now. Generally people who give themselves a ton of outs are insecure and will take those outs sooner rather than later. She won't make it because, much like a law track, or engineering, or anything particularly rigorous, you're either all in with medicine or you'll fail. There is no "This is the plan for now." Mady doesn't know what she wants to do, which is code for she wants a degree in Olivia Jade.

An upperclassman gives them a boring tour of the campus, which looks like a really nice high school to me. Heh, even Kate remarks it's like an extension of high school. Ouch! Dude, I wrote that in this recap, but I'd never say that on national T.V. after the school so generously gave you a private tour, one-on-one attention from the staff and permitted you to film. Kate, you're an asshat.

I never understood what people mean by "professors have an open door policy." Like, everyone has meetings and commitments they have to attend and most professors have a home life they want to get back to at the end of the day, so your door isn't always going to be open. And what professor would say I don't see students and don't do office hours and won't help you? (Within reason). In sum, bragging about your open-door professors is dumb, that's like bragging that your professors are good at teaching. One would think that good teaching and open doors should come with the territory.

Mady would like to blend in and not have everyone in her business, thus would like a big school. Can I ask a question? Why on earth aren't they looking at Admin's alma mater, Penn State? It's far enough away to not run home every weekend, it has a rigorous and highly regarded academic program in a variety of majors, it gets confused for UPenn on a regular basis giving future employers for all time to come the impression you're an ivy leaguer (I still get this, score) and it's far cheaper than any of these hoity-toity stupid private schools. Also, ain't nobody ever in your business. Nobody will care who Mady is and most won't even know who she is in the first place, if that's what Mady is implying. Leave it to this group to not pursue something so obvious and well-suited.

Mady is predictably not impressed with the dorms, which look pretty typical to me. Mady announces she's not doing the roommate thing and will apply for a single room. Ooo, does the girl realize that single rooms are extraordinarily more expensive than doubling up, and there can be long waitlists for them? Also this is where a parent needs to step in and, absent a medical condition, insist their kid double up for all the life lessons having to share everything with a roommate provides an 18-year-old including an instant friend. Do singles when you're a junior and have already had the whole roommate experience and have your group of friends set and your parents or you can justify the extra expense if it's only for a year or two. Trust us older and wiser adults, Mady, it's not a good idea freshman year. Plus, unlike when we all went to school and they mostly matched you randomly, I've heard most colleges these days do extensive roommate surveys and personality tests and match you as if matching a marriage, trying to partner you with someone you're likely to be BFFs with. I would have loved that. I liked my freshman year roommate as a person and we never fought or anything, but we just never did anything together or became friends outside of living together because we had no common interests. It's hard when one person is a night owl and one an early bird and one a study rat and the other more into the social scene and one constantly homesick and the other loving the new freedom away from home. She was from Jersey, and only befriended other girls from Jersey, which came across as a bit stuck up. I think I would have loved to be matched with some great girls I met that year Anne and Lindsay from the start. We ended up rooming junior year with another girl we liked and had so much ridiculous fun and good times it seems impossible that was really my life. College was really good freshman year, but amazing the last two years, and I wish for four amazing years for Mady and Cara.

They head to driving school. In the middle of this college tour? That's hodgepodge. The twins are 18 and need a driving lesson? Shouldn't they have been driving for near three years now? Maybe not, and I'm fascinated by millennials when it comes to driving and how they drag their feet to learn and it's become almost uncool. When I was 15 it was the end of the world if your birthday fell on a weekday and nobody could take you to the DMV until the following Saturday to get your permit. It was like you would never drive, four days to wait! Some kids whined so hard about this parents would really pull them out of school just to get it done on their birthday. No such luck for me. I think this strange resistance to getting behind the wheel is a combination of kids being guilt-tripped into thinking any car they get into is killing the planet, and uber and other rideshares just being "in" right now. It was once cool for NYC kids to have others drive them, now it's cool for everyone. The twins explain however in their case it's because Kate won't teach them to drive, and they've only gotten behind the wheel twice. That is extremely selfish and misguided of Kate. Kate didn't teach them because the twins not having some independence benefits Kate, not the twins. Of course she has some other convoluted and not credible excuse why she never taught that that I don't care to follow. On the other hand, the twins could also take some initiative here and solicit friends and family to help them learn if Kate won't or sign up for driver's ed at school. I'm betting it was a combination of the two that resulted in this. In any case, it's no hyperbole to say Kate may very well have indirectly killed them with this little stunt of hers if God forbid they ever cause a car accident due to inexperience. Now that they are 18 and out of the home, they won't have nearly as much time to practice driving with an experience driver or the opportunity. There's nobody going to drive with you at college! They lost out on a crucial learning period. You need those hours behind the wheel to learn all the ropes, get comfortable, and encounter different and challenging driving situations. Practice and classes really do benefit kids' safety, as statistics show it dramatically reduces accident rates.

Kate launches into some weird diatribe about how she can't explain road signs to other people. So like if she sees a stop sign she couldn't explain to her passenger learning to drive that stop sign means stop? She's an idiot.

The twins say something extremely interesting, in that once a week Kate drives them to the grocery store, they get out, do the shopping, and return to the car. What does Kate do while she waits, play on her phone? Wtf! Mady justifies this as they need to learn the skill of shopping to live on their own. Um, shopping is a skill? That's a stretch. I never was made to do the shopping for my family (my parents were of the belief I should be studying and they should be raising the children) and I managed to pick it up on my first try away from home. Bread. Bread aisle. Milk. Milk aisle. Cookies. Bakery aisle. Coke and gum, check! Approach cash register and swipe card. Seriously? So Kate thinks they need life lessons in doing one of the simplest of adult chores, grocery shopping (by the time Mady and Cara have to grocery shop on a regular basis it will all be online anyway), but doesn't think they need to bother to learn one of the most complex and dangerous, driving? I could slap her silly.

The quadruplets would not dare to get into a car with the twins. Well right, why would they, with the twins only driving all of twice? They're smarter than you think.

Is this really a "driving school" or is this just somebody someone on the show knew to give them a few lessons? He looks super unofficial (he's wearing a zip-up sweatshirt) and the "school" looks more like a church parking lot on a Monday. No signs or other students around or anything. This viewer is skeptical.

Mady by the way is wearing a UNC sweatshirt. I bet this is the big school they visited earlier that wouldn't allow filming. Heh! Hint to parents. Don't buy school crap for the kid before they've signed on the dotted line. You're wasting your money, because they won't go there, and won't want to wear some other school's gear once they're at their real school. $59 bucks down the drain. This family has a weird obsession with North Carolina that I think has been unduly influenced by their ties to TLC in North Carolina. It's a nice place and all but it's awfully far from PA to be dating somebody from there or going to school there or considering buying a home there as Jon and Kate once were. Impractical is the word that comes to mind.

Mady is "over" learning how to drive, she just wants to drive. What? She has driven three times! Is she really as smart and academically successful as this episode keeps saying, good enough to apply to all these great schools? Typically smart and motivated kids don't throw in the towel after three lessons of something. Not even joking, that is a sure way to land yourself in a catastrophic car accident before you hit your 20's. I hope to God they and everyone else on the road around them stay safe.

Next up, Kate bribes the younger kids to film with Go Karts, which is usually an extremely expensive activity that most kids don't get to do much if at all. But for them, they've cleared out the place. I do like how the instructor keeps calling Kate "Katie," which tells me he has no idea who she is. Heh! Almost as good as if he were to snap his fingers and say remind me your name again, ma'am?

Mommy Dearest spends all of this entire exercise trying to beat her own children, but thankfully, she sucks at this and can't do it. Why is she even on the track in the first place? Go away and let the kids enjoy this.

Kate says she thought Aaden was clueless (aw just like his dad) but then realized the boys are teaming up against her to stop her from passing. Why does she act so offended by this? She's the one being the asshat here, not them. Stay in your lane and leave them the F alone. Now something awesome happens. Kate, who was so focused on passing Aaden for some god damn reason, crashes hard into the wall trying to do it! Yes! And tweaks her back. KARMA.

They have to turn off all the cars to tend to the narcissist who caused all this in the first place. Sadly most of the kids are concerned and feel bad for Kate, because they are nice people, when Kate doesn't deserve their empathy for the accident she caused and would probably just make some snide comment at them if the same thing happened to them and not bother to stop racing to check on them.

Mady correctly says while she felt bad for TFW, "maybe she shouldn't be trying to beat her kids." There is something very profound and metaphoric about that statement. Kate is too old to beat the younger generation now but can't accept it. She is also an ass for wanting to beat them, but doesn't see it. And can't "control" them anymore by beating them, which was going to happen eventually, but she refuses to believe it. That little wall gave her the big giant slap she finally deserved and shut her down, at last.

My favorite part is the sextuplets on the couch laughing hysterically over all this, high-fiving each other about how they hurt Kate on purpose. I picture a similar scenario thirty years from now when they high five each other after dropping Kate off at the shittiest nursing home in town, declaring they picked that one on purpose. Carry on, kids.

Joel "wins" the go kart race and predictably, Leah says he must have cheated. Because Kate has taught the children that anyone who excels at something must have cheated somehow, disregarding that most people who excel at the things excel because they are focused, diligent, calm, and most importantly work hard. Qualities Kate has never had. Projection at its finest.

I thought Kate was just whining when she called herself broken and was hobbling around everywhere, but she stops by Urgent Care and actually has a cracked rib. Ha! The problem with constantly griping and exaggerating is that when it actually is serious, nobody believes you. She's lucky she got production to stop for this, since apparently Urgent Care didn't allow filming inside so there was nothing to do.

Because the expensive Go Karts weren't enough of a bribe to make up the college tour to the younger kids, they next head to the U.S. National Whitewater Center for more. It's pouring rain and cold, so a normal family would have cancelled or rescheduled this. But they're filming, so the show must go on.

They're going to do some kind of jump from a 100 foot tower, in a harness. I have no idea what this has to do with whitewater or for that matter what value this adds to one's life and well-being, but whatever.

I'm not sure why Kate is even acting like she's thinking about trying this, since no reputable organization would allow you to harness up with a cracked rib. Don't be stupid. We get to re-live Kate's pathetic jump/push off in New Zealand with the Patron Saint of Haters, Brad, and this is the one clip I'm happy to watch again.

Is this safe in the pouring rain? Doesn't seem like it. Leah and Aaden admit they're as afraid of heights as Kate. "Mother's gene," Aaden quips. I love how they all call her Mother, it's so disrespectful! And anyone who disrespects Kate is a friend of mine. Poor Aaden, let's hope that's the only gene you got from Mother.

Mady seems really scared to jump and would appreciate to just free fall backwards. The instructor explains he can't physically push her off, he can only talk her through it. Aw darn, the stupid US of A and all our no-touchy grabby liability policies (that have worked oh so well for us, or not). I like New Zealand, where Brad got to just push a bitch off a platform no questions asked. There's a whole lot of boring drama about all this, but when the first jump actually happens with Cara, I realize this is not a free fall at all but rather being lowered at a good clip by a wire. Well, that's lame. But lame as it is, none of the other kids will go, as they are too scared. And that's where a mother like Kate really does affect her kids, because she's imposed all her hang ups on them at their young ages when they should be carefree. It's not important they jump off a stupid ledge at a dumb park. But it is important they take risks in life, take initiative, and be brave. And she's shaken those values out of them with her own mental health issues. Good job.

While I appreciate that Kate doesn't give the kids who didn't jump a hard time about it, she is misguided in how proud she is of them to make their own choices about what they would like to do. She has absolutely no understanding of how 18 years of her parenting has messed them up. There is a parenting theory that suggests that one should only praise kids for things that were hard or challenging for that kid, even if the activity isn't challenging to another kid. That is because scientific studies actually show that children and even adults who are praised for things they are naturally good at don't try as hard. It wasn't hard to say no to jumping when you're scared. Nor is it wrong not to jump, but the one who did something hard and challenging and stepped out of their comfort zone was Cara.

They are suddenly walking out of the back of an absolute mansion right on a beautiful dock. Yowser, where did this come from and are they staying here? Good grief, what a VIP, unrealistic college trip. I was lucky to spend a couple nights in a Red Roof Inn on the side of the interstate when I had my great four-college tour. It was clean and provided a continental breakfast. Also, what happened to the whitewater place? Was that it? They just had Cara jump off the ledge and did nothing else there? Strange!

I think Kate shouts at Aaden no football, but I don't see Aaden or a football so I'm not sure what she's talking about. In any case, "Aaden, don't forget, no fun," quips Mady. They have Kate's number.

They ride a boat to lunch, and the kids whine that Kate is obsessed with boats. Of course she is, because boats have historically made her kids uncomfortable and made them vomit, so she likes them. She is sick like that, and someday the remaining six of them will see it.

Kate is still harping about her stupid Go Kart accident. "You tried to overtake me when you weren't ready and I was too good for you," Aaden explains to her, accurately. Exactly. This is Kate's fault for trying to do something she wasn't ready for and wasn't good enough to do. Aaden and Joel had every right to try to prevent her from passing. That's the game! I'm glad these kids don't take no shit from this woman, because they shouldn't.

Mady says all Kate has talked about is her ribs, and instead of laughing and taking the teasing in stride, Kate snaps back that they will have to do all her unpacking and chores. I half expect a kid to say that's what we always do anyway. Also, how come this family can't just joke and tease without it always taking such a sinister turn? Because Kate wasn't joking when she says they're coming home to be her personal slaves. Also, people that constantly complain about minor injuries and ailments are weak and irritating. I once broke up with somebody because they were like that. Seriously.

Mercifully, we flash forward about a year to one week before the twins depart to college. Glad we didn't have to sit through a whole year of this drivel.

Kate plans a special send-off dinner in which the family will eat crab legs at the dining room table. They have never eaten there, the kids explain, as it's the adults table. What adults? It's just Kate! I totally get that back in the day it was common to have certain areas of the house the kids just didn't use, often dining rooms and places like libraries and studies. All rooms that are fading from existence in most modern homes. But this is 2019, and I think we've evolved a bit as humans to realize that there is no point in spending all this money on a house if your family doesn't enjoy it. We had a kitchen table growing up and a dining room table because that's just how houses were, and I realize now how stupid that was, as we could have saved an inordinate amount of space by just using one table at all times.

Oh, Kate's absurd! She's making Leah shrink wrap the dining room table and chairs with industrial grade nursing home plastic. Good, the bitch should practice for when she's old and the kids hate her and she has to eat her dinner through a straw. Again, don't have anything in your house you don't really use or are afraid to mess up as that's not really living.

Also, just pointing out, this table and the chairs are garbage. Wayfair at best. Maybe Pottery Barn. If it were Restoration Hardware stuff or something, I sort of get trying so hard to keep them nice, but they're not, so Kate is merely a white trash poser pretending she knows how the rich really live. And for the record, I was a nanny for a family worth in the tens of millions, and we sat at their nice dining room table every night with just placemats. They still have that table to this day, and it's fine.

The younger kids think Kate's shrine to the twins over the mantle is creepy, like the twins are dead. Yep, it's definitely creepy. But kids, this is tough for Kate, because the four left of the younger kids are not nearly as loyal as Mady and Cara are, and are probably at high risk of defecting to Jon before high school is over. If Hannah can go, so can the rest. The twins are all Kate really has for sure, so I get it.

Leah gets in a stupid fight with Mother over icing a cake. I detest grown adults who pick stupid fights with their children, they are immature and selfish. I swear I heard Leah say, "Mother, oh God, Mother! Blood, blood!" No?

Kate spends the whole crab dinner, which turned out pretty nice, whining about the twins leaving. The twins speculate that they will get along better with Kate once they are out of the home. I wonder if Collin and Hannah thought the same thing.

Question, does Kate ever talk to the twins about anything other than how much the family will miss them when they leave? Like what classes they are interested in taking, what clubs they think they might join, their ideas for how they will manage their time on their own? My God, all she yammers about is her own selfish wants and desires, it must be exhausting for any of these kids.

Kate says she will miss Cara's high-pitched screeching over how cute the dogs are. I can picture that, I've been told my voice enters a whole other octave when I speak to my dog Sea Gordon. I mean, look at him, you would too!

View this post on Instagram

Rub a dub dub it’s Sea washing all his nooks and crannies in the tub. And I’m okay with it because it’s just feathers not water 🚿. See my story for the outtake photo! 😂 Thank you @petpopexperience and @mrwinstonla for such a cool way to spend my weekend! 📸 Love, Sea Gordon 🇰🇷🐶🇺🇸 #rescuedog #rescuedogs #rescuedogsofinstagram #doveproject #puppy #koreanjindo #pitbull #dogsofinstagram #adoptdontshop #doglovers #tasteofthewild #jindo #dogswithjobs #excellent_dogs #dognity #losangeles #bestwoof #dailyhivemapped #roamtheplanet #petco #fortheloveofpets #weekendsherpa #visitcalifornia #dogsthathike #abc7eyewitness #mydogismy #adventuredogsofficial #pitbullsofficial #ruffwear

A post shared by Sea Gordon (@sea.gordon) on Sep 12, 2019 at 6:40am PDT

Hey, where are the dogs anyway? Wouldn't it be nice at this last supper to see three big fluffy dogs sitting in front of the fireplace?

After dinner they dive into cake and get cards. Thankfully the twins express gratitude for all this and avoid most snide remarks, saying that the family made them feel special. Well, that's good. Special, peaceful moments like this in this family seem sadly quite rare from what we've seen. The sextuplets got them a gift card, which is about as impersonal as it gets. As was suggested on the blog, how about a nice framed photo of the quadruplets to put on their desk in the dorm room? 

Kate robotically starts reading from her phone a speech she wrote, because someone who does not have a heart could never just speak from their heart. She reads it way too fast, like a junior in high school doing their first oral presentation in AP English class. Pathetic. Is this a eulogy or a college send-off? It's so weird! Of course Kate throws in a lightly veiled jab at Jon, choking up as she describes how difficult and painful childhood has been for the twins. I'm sure it is particularly painful to lose your entire relationship with your father when you're only 12 years old, and Kate is dreaming if she thinks the twins won't figure out how that happened sooner rather than later. Hannah and Collin did.

What's really sad about this is what could have been. If Kate would just co-parent with Jon, she could have said hey we're gonna have a send-off for the twins at the house, why don't you swing by with Hannah and Collin so we can all have dinner together? You don't have to do everything with your ex or even most things, but there's no reason you can't share an important meal like this occasionally for the sake of the kids not always have to be reminded how fractured the family is.

I finally notice the dogs, relegated to the kitchen behind a baby gate. That's stupid, they want to be with their family.

Kate then burdens the children with her emotional baggage and unresolved issues and says the reason she's been in denial about the twins leaving is because they keep having family members leave. Woman needs a dictionary because kicking your kid out of the home to go live with their father is not the same thing as "family members leaving." Kate then says, well, you're not leaving. As in leaving-leaving, she means. And Mady goes, "Well, I mean, I am leaving."

Baw! Sometimes, I really like the twins, faults and all.

On the couch, Kate talks about all the pain this has all caused her. Now imagine what it's like for a 13-year-old boy to have to live in an institution, you heifer. Or for a 14-year-old girl having to beg the judge to let her live with her father because it's hell at home. She really is the worst.

Also can Kate stop calling the children "family members who left"? They have names. Collin and Hannah. Use them, you bitch. I like how there's a glimpse of Aaden whispering to somebody and cracking up. Who knows what the kids are saying, but this is a joke to them, as it should be. The quadruplets say later on the couch all the crying was ridiculous. Yes it was.

"You're leaving for the right reasons," Kate praises the twins. Right, because children that prefer to live with their father have left for all the wrong reasons. Unbelievable. Is she for real?

And why in the world is she bringing up all this family drama crap when the twins are just trying to have a healthy transition to a very exciting time in their lives. What is wrong with her?

Glaringly missing from all this? So where the hell did the kids decide to go to college anyway? I'm not asking for specifics. Just, a college in upstate New York would be fine. But this is such weak editing, given the entire episode was about choosing colleges, they don't end up telling you what the result was at the end.  We know from social media that Mady chose Syracuse and Cara chose Fordham, both in New York and both decently far away from Kate. Both good schools. I truly wish them the best and definitely wonder how some serious time away from Kate may spark some reflection.

Kate wraps up the episode with how great the twins are in various ways (they're not that great in reality), throwing in there how much she has Mother-ed them, and you can tell Kate is implying that how good they turned out (they aren't that good) is because of her Mother-ing. She's annoying at best.

Kate? The twins turned out just okay in spite of you, not because of you, and it was nearly pure chance they didn't go the way of Hannah and Collin too during all those years.

Who knows what the future holds for more episodes about this family, but I think in light of the fiasco in the courts over this episode, there's a good chance TLC has finally decided not to ever film them again. If they do, it's not going to be for a long time, like when everyone is no longer minors. This could be my last recap! Until next time, if there is a next time.